“This is our once-a-year day,
Once-a-year day,
Everyone’s entitled to be wild,
Be a child, be a goof, raise the roof
Once a year!”
Richard Adler and Jerry Ross told us all this long ago in their play, The Pajama Game. The Bible told us before that, of course, in Ecclesiastes 3: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” It needn’t be your birthday, your anniversary or any universally recognized holiday, it could be the 28th of February or the 5th of July. It could be Talk Like A Pirate Day or the day the swallows return to Capistrano. But you only get one, so choose carefully. The Flying Pie is here to provide you with information to guide your choices. Since you might want to celebrate, be wild, be a child, be a goof, raise the roof with like-minded people, the Pie presents you with a list of important National Days when someone somewhere is popping the cork on a champagne bottle or six. Chances are you’ll recognize your day when you see it. Happy hunting.
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| A buoyant celebrant on Walking Around Things Day. |
The Days Of Wine And Wiener Schnitzel
Today, of course, is National Nothing Day, so you don’t have to worry about celebrating anything for the next 24 hours. The day was proposed in 1972 by columnist Harold Pullman Coffin, who was worried about the burgeoning number of national days. This would be perfectly fine if someone didn’t manage to smuggle in National Fig Newton Day on the same date. The day-naming industry has reached such a frenzy that there are few, if any, days which are not shared by multiple honorees. January 15, for instance, is National Bagel Day but also National Booch Day. January 17 is National Bootlegger’s Day and also National Hot Buttered Rum Day, a convenient comingling. January 18 is National Peking Duck Day but somehow also National Thesaurus Day except in the Wolverine State, where it is National Michigan Day.
While many of these days are obviously frivolous, others are serious—set aside to honor those who have added color and meaning to our lives. Which is why we have Squirrel Appreciation Day on January 21 and National Cream Puff Day on January 2. (Dang, missed it again!) And also National Bobblehead Day, which duly honors the United States Senate on January 7. You may be shocked to learn that National Static Electricity Day just slipped by on January 9. So where is National Bounce Day when you really need it?
There are, as you’d expect, grouches who blanch at the crass commercialism of some of our national days and want to get rid of them. Don Quixote had a better chance. Sure there are profiteers who capitalize on a few select days but who cares as long as we have National Walk Around Things Day on April 4? And no, we are not making this up. NWATD is cardiac-friendly and wisely reminds us of the dangers of plowing into immovable objects. National Lumpy Rug Day on May 5 might at first blush seem silly but when else would you appreciate those comfy old friends which provide succor for aching feet and sleepy pets? How many businesses could get along without the headliner of National Ampersand Day on September 8? Being true jokers at heart, we at The Flying Pie particularly appreciate National Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends Day, although it should certainly be moved from a chilly January 11 to sometime in monsoon season. On the other hand, National Wiener Schnitzel Day is perfectly placed on September 9.
It’s The Same The Whole World Over
If you think Canadians are a sober, serious-minded lot who would not stoop to such shenanigans as silly national days, think again. January 13 is National Rubber Ducky Day north of the border. On March 5, it’s National Multiple Personality Day, followed logically by National Awkward Moments Day on the 18th. April 16 is National Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day, an outstanding idea first pioneered in the American South by African-American families. April 25 is National Hug A Plumber Day, preferably when he arrives and before he starts on the job.
Canadians are more conscientious of grammar than Americans, therefore they stop to honor the language on National Speak In Sentences Day on May 31. They also remind us that healthy dining habits matter on National Eat Your Beans Day, July 3. The origins of National Grab Some Nuts Day on August 3 are vague, perhaps intentionally so. And nobody knows anything at all about National Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day on August 8, although it has zillions of adherents.
October 2 is National Name Your Car Day in The North, and what a brilliant idea. In the days of our youth, everyone’s old beater had a name, but pseudosophistication has taken a heavy toll on the car-naming industry. In a blast from the past, October 31 is National Knock-Knock Jokes Day. (Knock, knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Hey, you can yodel!) Yeah, we know.
At first glance, we thought November 1 was National Cook Your Pets Day, but then we saw the “For” after “Cook.” April 20 is National Look Alike Day, when everyone dresses up as the hero of their choice. The Canuck costume shops went a little overboard on the Donald Trump outfits this year and now they’re selling for 80% off and they’ll pay you if you take more than a dozen. Be sure not to forget the oft-denigrated salad-fillers on National Crouton Day, May 13, and for God’s sake remember your fine, fluffy friends on National Pie Day, January 23. We’ll be making the trip to Saskatchewan for the ceremonies and we encourage you to make reservations early in the Canadian border towns. Heinous rumors of a meringue shortage have been angrily denounced by Canadian authorities and laid at the feet of likely scoundrels in the cake industry. The pie-eating begins at noon and continues until you start seeing the Northern Lights.
How Do I Enter, Buffalo Bob?
If you’d like to have a national day named after a person, vegetable, critter or chili recipe of your own liking, it’s not an impossible task. The National Day Calendar is a website dedicated to creating days meant to commemorate just about anything you have in mind, like, say, Bill Killeen or elbow macaroni. Anyone can jump on their website and submit an application, and before you know it National Shaved Genitals Day will get its very own date. You’ll have to fib a little, however, since “due to a substantial backlog” they are currently only accepting applications from companies and organizations at this time. That’s why you’re Harry Edwards, Ltd. or Deb Peterson & Sons. There’s no point in letting things like silly rules stand in your way. Otherwise we’d never have National Goose The Politician Day. And wouldn’t that be a shame?
Of Seaweed And Salty Dogs
John Bauer and Mark Summers may not be internationally renowned but their names are etched in history nonetheless. Seems the two old pals delighted in talking like pirates, especially in their contentious racquetball matches. Shouts of “Arrr! That be a fine cannonade!” and “Here flies a broadside straight at your yardarm!” rattled across the court to the delight of fellow gymgoers. So the two decided what the world needed now was not only love, sweet love, but also International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
First, of course, they needed a date. Mark decided on September 19, the date of his ex-wife’s birthday and a day not otherwise occupied. The two friends also agreed that nationally syndicated humor columnist Dave Barry would be the ideal spokesman for the new day. The decision was made on June 6, 1995, a day which will live in infamy. Or it would have if the two pirates hadn’t eventually forgotten about the whole thing.
Time passed, as it is wont to do. Then, in 2002, John chanced upon Dave Barry’s e-mail address and contacted him. He got an answer in two days. Dave told the boys they had a “very excellent” idea. Then he got down to business: “Have you guys actually DONE anything about this? Or are we counting on me to carry the ball here?” Mark replied, “We are dinghy-sized pirates, but you, Dave, are like a frigate.”
Not long after, John got a call from the feature editor at the local newspaper, an old friend. She sounded confused. “John, I was editing this week’s Dave Barry column and I was wondering—is this YOU?” In the column was the first public notice of International Talk Like A Pirate Day. It took off like a rocket, immediately celebrated in watering holes everywhere and now a virtual institution. What started as a lark between friends is now a universally-recognized day of foolishness and drinking, punctuated by a passel of Aarrrs!.
See, anyone can do it. You probably have a spectacular idea yourself, a gem just festering in the vast recesses of your mind. Take that puppy out for a walk, give it some air. And call Dave Barry, for Pete’s sake. He’s semi-retired with nothing to do. Maybe he’s ready for International Naked Marathon Day. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
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| Alice's favorite--Bondi Beach, Australia |
Where Would YOU Celebrate?
It’s all well and good to have National Panda Day or Wiggle Like A Jellyfish Day but you can’t properly celebrate these things just anywhere. You have to find an appropriate place, like Beijing or Pismo Beach. With that in mind, we asked our little coterie of PIE friends where they would most like to go to be wild, be a child, be a goof, raise the roof. And we got answers….everywhere from Tipperary to Toad Suck Ferry. My Florida-loving sister Kathy would head for wacky Key West, where she would have plenty of deranged company. Sister Alice, a big showoff and noted world traveler would head back to Bondi Beach, Australia, or maybe Hong Kong if it ever returned to a semblance of its former self. Siobhan would go somewhere in the state of Washington….Seattle, the Hoh Rainforest, Mount St. Helen’s. Bill, of course, would simply cruise on over to Florida Field on game day, or perhaps to Fenway Park in mid-Summer.
Lynn Maxwell, well-known for coloring outside the lines, had a different answer. 1968, she simply said. And who could argue, since we didn’t place any restrictions on your choices? Lynn is now a devoted North Carolinian but we’re pretty sure she spent ‘68 in raucous Gainesville, Florida. But Gainesville, San Francisco, Austin, Boulder or wherever, 1968 is an appropriate answer, though getting there could be a struggle. The more we think about it, however, the more we like it. Hey Lynn, give us a heads-up when the bus is ready to leave.
That’s all, folks….
bill.killeen094@gmail.com
