Unless you live in the remains of a rusting school bus carcass under a bridge in Hoboken, as some of our readers do, the electronic news which greets you each morning is not cheerful. The president has stubbed his toe again, accidentally bombing the Arab Youth Philharmonic Orchestra in the middle of a sprightly performance of Habanera, an enormous arctic glacier has dissolved overnight, obliterating Murmansk, North Korea has declared war on Poland, and everyone is too fat.
It’s a depressing state of affairs and despite our pollyanna yearnings, Mighty Mouse is not on his way and we’ve lost the map to Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood. What to do? In times like this, we are forced to climb up on Commissioner Gordon’s roof and turn on the E=mc2 signal, rousing the remarkable Mr. Science. Not one to gravitate toward the limelight, Mr. S. is nonetheless available for succor in times of need, and this is one of those times. Tell us something good, Mr. Science, we’re bleeding from the ears.
One Flu Over
Every year, as Winter approaches, senior citizens dutifully parade to their syringe-wielders of choice to obtain the annual influenza shot which saves them from the ravages of whatever that season’s monster flu happens to be. Trouble is, half-breed flus sneak under the tent when no one is looking, smirking Afghani flus fly in on Asian airlines, complicated hobo flus arrive in boxcars. The protection afforded by your annual shot may not extend to varmint flus and is usually little better than 65% effective against the bug it’s intended to defeat. What do we do, Mr Science, it’s tough being an old guy?
Well, have we got news for you! According to Dr. Amesh Adalja of Johns Hopkins, who should know, “various approaches to universal flu vaccines are in advanced development and promising results are starting to accrue.” In theory, a universal flu vaccine would not only provide protection against most versions of influenza, but that protection would be lasting and eliminate the need to get a flu shot every year. Hot damn, no more December sore arm syndrome!
This year, the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) began its first-in-human trial of a universal flu vaccine. The immunization aims to induce an immune response against a less variable part of the flu virus known as the hemagglutinin (HA) “stem.” This Phase 1 study will look at the safety of the experimental vaccine as well as participants’ immune responses to it. Researchers hope to report their initial results in early 2020.
Another universal vaccine candidate made by the Israeli company BiondVax is currently in Phase 3 trials, an advanced stage of research which examines whether the vaccine is actually effective—meaning that it protects against infection from any strain of flu. That vaccine candidate contains nine different proteins from various parts of the flu virus that vary between flu strains, according to The Scientist. The study has already enrolled more than 12,000 subjects and results are expected at the end of 2020.
New Hope For The Brain Dead
Scientists have recently created artificial neurons that could potentially be implanted into patients to overcome paralysis, restore failing brain circuits and even connect their minds to machines. The restoration of faulty circuits could be particularly beneficial to older people who tend to falter and become Republicans.
The bionic neurons can receive electrical signals from healthy nerve cells and process them in a natural way before sending fresh signals on to other neurons or to muscles and organs elsewhere in the body. One of the first applications may be treatment for a form of heart failure that develops when a particular neural circuit at the base of the brain deteriorates through age or disease and fails to send the right signals to make the heart pump properly.
Rather than implanting directly into the brain, the artificial neurons are built into ultra-low-power microchips a few millimeters wide. The chips form the basis for devices that would plug straight into the nervous system, for example, by intercepting signals that pass between the brain and leg muscles.
“Any area where you have some degenerative disease, such as Alzheimer’s, or where the neurons stop firing properly because of age, disease or injury, then in theory you could replace the faulty biocircuit with a synthetic circuit,” said Alain Nogaret, a physicist who led the project at the University of Bath. The breakthrough came when researchers found they could model live neurons in a computer program and then recreate their firing patterns in silicon chips with more than 94% accuracy. The program allows scientists to mimic the full variety of neurons found in the nervous system.
“The potential is endless in terms of understanding how the brain works, because we now have the fundamental understanding and insight into the functional unit of the brain and indeed applications which might be to improve memory, to overcome paralysis and ameliorate disease,” said Julian Paton, a co-author of the study who holds posts at the Universities of Bristol and Auckland. Julian is such a showoff.
Ship Directly To Beijing
A determined young student made an exciting new discovery after embarking on a strenuous 7-mile walk into the wilderness of Yellowstone National Park. Unlike thousands of tourists who trek to admire the geysers and hot springs, Abdelrhman Mohamed was traveling with a team of scientists from Washington State University to hunt for life within them.
After several hours of hiking through scenic, isolated paths in the Heart Lake Geyser Basin area, the team found four pristine pools of hot water. They carefully inserted a few electrodes into the water’s edge, hoping to coax little-known creatures out of hiding….bacteria that can eat and breathe electricity.
Thirty-two days later, the group returned to the hot springs to survey their work. Mohamed analyzed the electrodes and found that the team had succeeded in capturing their prey; the heat-loving bacteria that breathe electricity through the solid carbon surface of the electrodes. “This was the first time such bacteria were collected in situ in an extreme environment like an alkaline spring,” said Mohamed, adding that temperatures in the springs ranged from 110 degrees to nearly 200 Fahrenheit. The tiny creatures are not merely of academic interest. They may hold a key to solving some of the biggest challenges facing humanity.
As a means of fighting environmental pollution and creating more sustainable energy sources, such bacteria can eat pollution by converting toxic pollutants into less harmful substances and generating electricity in the bargain. “As these bacteria pass their electrons into metals and other solid surfaces, they can produce a stream of electricity than can be used for low-power applications,” said Haluk Beyenal, a distinguished professor of chemical engineering who helped to supervise the search.
To collect bacteria in such an extreme environment over 32 days, Mohamed invented a cheap portable potentiostat, an electronic device that could control the electrodes submerged in the hot springs for long periods of time. “I’m very excited about our success and the possibilities it portends,” said Mo. “But I am disappointed about one thing. I am probably the only person who has ever gone to Yellowstone and not visited Old Faithful. I have to go back.”
Fifty Million Times A Day….At Home, At Work Or On The Way
With more people afflicted with diabetes and pre-diabetes looking for novel strategies to help control blood sugar, new research from the University of British Columbia’s Okanagan campus suggests that ketone monoester drinks, a popular new food supplement, may help do exactly that.
“There has been a lot of excitement in ketone drinks and supplements, which have really only been on the market for the last couple of years,” relates Jonathan Little, associate professor at UBCO’s School of Health and Excercise Science and lead author of a new study on the subject. Little says that Type 2 diabetes is a disease in which the body is unable to control the level of sugar in the blood because of defects in the functioning of the insulin hormone.
“It’s a disease that’s becoming alarmingly common in Canada and approaching what many would consider epidemic levels,” according to Little. “While Type 2 diabetes can be controlled with medications or injectable insulin, many people are looking for options which don’t require taking pills every day or are less invasive.”
Disa And Data: New Stuff
FIXD is a pocket-sized device which plugs into your car dashboard and instantly diagnoses the vehicle’s issues, slapping them right onto your phone screen in plain English. You know at all times what problems your car may or may not have, thus making the little critter the bane of edgy automobile mechanics everywhere.
Muama Enence is the ideal device for all travelers and others who frequently encounter language barriers. With just a few button clicks, English can be translated into 43 other languages in real time. Start with “veni, vidi, vici.”
The Photostick is a clever new device designed to protect photos and video memories and is very easy to use. Just connect the small thumb-sized drive to your PC or Mac and press GO and it will automatically sync your pictures and videos into the stick. The Photostick even finds and removes duplicates.
FitTrack is the world’s smartest medical scale. Just step on it in your bare feet and it activates FitTrack’s patented dual BIA technology, which monitors 17 key health insights, allowing you to measure, track and trend your health data in real time. These include body fat percentage, muscle and bone mass and hydration levels. It’s like a free physical without the wait.
Dodow is a sleep enhancer which can help insomniacs like Court Lewis avoid falling asleep in their Cheerios the next morning. When you put the Dodow on your nightstand, it projects a soft blue light onto your ceiling that expands and retracts. When you breathe along with the light as it fades in and out, it helps you to relax and calm your mind, reducing your breaths per minute by 55%, which in turn slows your heart rate. You should be in dreamland within 8 minutes.
Guardcard is lightweight and thin, just like all the credit cards in your wallet. Unlike your Visa card, however, it has a powerful carbon fiber strip which stops RFID scanning signals up to 13.56 MHz. No batteries or charging devices required. No matter where your wallet is located—pocket, jacket, purse or backpack—no skimming device will be able to get through to your credit cards no matter how close the potential thief is to your body. Smile as the evildoers become frustrated as hell.
VIZR provides a safer way to get where you’re going, which is especially useful for sleepy drivers like Court Lewis. Simply place your phone on VIZR, a cutting-edge heads-up display solution which uses the same technology fighter pilots utilize to stay focused and brings it to your car’s dashboard. VIZR offers a transparent display and a huge selection of phone apps to help you view GPS, traffic conditions, street maps and more.
Drone X Pro is a foldable, lightweight and unique drone which allows you to be the first kid in your neighborhood able to harrass and annoy those cranky old neighbors who keep taking your ball every time it winds up in their yard. The Drone X Pro is extremely user-friendly so even a non-geek like you can make it go up and down, frontwards and backwards like a true aviation genius. You can even command the drone to follow you or focus on you, even if you’re on the move. Capture all your boring adventures for posterity with this fine little goober.
Bondic does have a scary name but it beats that worthless Elmer’s Glue-All by a country mile. Broken glasses, leaky plumbing, cracked dishes? A mere piffle for good old Bondic, which works on any surface including metal, wood, glass, ceramics, plastic and whatever you got. It is not a glue so it won’t dry out or get sticky and messy. It’s like having your very own MacGyver waiting in the closet.
Epilogue
Get ready for the first complete synthetic human brain, moon mining on robotic lunar bases, self-driving cars and high-speed rail linking London to Beijing. A cure for the common cold is out of reach, of course, and it is still almost impossible to create an honest politician, repair an aching back or get the Cleveland Browns in the NFL playoffs. In a dark lab off in the nether regions of the Kamchatka Peninsula, however, rest assured someone is working on it.
That’s all, folks….
bill.killeen094@gmail.com
