The Fates do not rule. This trio of myth and mystery cannot weave a tapestry dictating the destinies of humans, they can merely provide a menu from which we select our paths. But these ways forward are shrouded in complexity, laden with poison peppermint trees and pyrite palaces, side trails to oblivion. All it takes is one careless misstep to descend from a prince to a pauper. Then again, one hidden walkway, a fortunate spin in a game of chance, elevates pauper to prince.
Weariness, a resort to succor can be the band which leads off the parade. A minor lapse of judgment, one drink too many, a slight oversight leading to an error and before you know it people are dead, thousands of careers have been ruined, plants and animals are gone forever, an entire ecosystem has perished and the Earth is irreparably wounded. All this happened when the single-hulled oil tanker called Exxon Valdez ran aground on the well-charted Bligh Reef in Alaska, dispatching vast quantities of indigestible oil into the once-pristine Prince William Sound. The very name of the culprit is remembered with abhorrence and the howling of beasts.
And then there is Frane Selak, a simple Croatian music teacher. Frane has been in a train wreck, an airplane crash and a bus wreck, which should be enough public transportation shenanigans to divert any man to private conveyances. Alas, Selak’s own car blew up, and more than once. Then he was hit by a city bus with abandonment issues. Finally, Frane’s car was forced off a cliff by a truck. Not to worry, the man is very resourceful. Selak climbed back up the cliff with the air of a fellow who knew his luck had to change. Next thing you know, Frane Selak won one million dollars in the Croation lottery. And someone had the gall to call him lucky.
The Road Not Traveled
All of us have regrets; it’s part of the human condition. What’s done is done, let the gnashing of teeth begin. “If only….” is a useless phrase, better left to gamblers and The Flying Wallendas. But what if the Cosmic Arbiter, in a fit of good humor, called us into his subway tunnel and told us “You have one moment in your life you can change.” What moment would it be? Think, before you jump. Are you happy with your current lot? Are you willing to risk your satisfactory present for a future which could (a) flourish, or (b) skitter wildly off the tracks? “I’m glad I married Maizie, but oh, that Gloria!” Opt for Door Number Two and you may discover Gloria fell victim to a genetic defect leading to schizophrenia and premature baldness, while Maizie accidentally developed a cure for yaws and made millions. It’s a crapshoot. Better to wade in place than to swim into shark-infested waters. Or is it? What would you do?
One Man’s Path
Like everyone else, I have had minimal experiences which pushed the sails in a direction I may not be aware of. But we tend to concentrate on the major events, the choices we know are significant. When it came time to go to college, I chose faraway Oklahoma State University when I could just as easily have attended Boston College or Merrimack, local schools. My highschool friend, Tom Rys, who was to have met me at the train for the trip to OSU, ultimately opted to do the latter. He remains in the area, which is not necessarily a bad thing, and he may be more content than I am. But I think being a stranger in a strange land, being unafraid to slip the surly bonds of family is a pretext to a life of independence, a chance to figure things out for yourself, the highwire without the net. But Tom Rys might be just as happy being a Greater Lawrence softball umpire. Rule Number One: Know Thyself. Socrates said that.
As much as I appreciate independence, I have always preferred living with one woman as long as both partners are happy. Meanwhile, my best friend of the 1960s and 70s, Michael O’Hara Garcia was a devotee of the one-night-stand, or at most the one-month stand. Neither of us tried to convert the other although a shotgun blast through Mike’s window from a jealous husband may have led to a few snickers.
Garcia was a rambler and a gambler, game for a road trip to anywhere, all available experiences, let the chips fall where they may. Best I can tell, he has always been happy and never got married. I am on my third wife, which smacks of irresponsibility, but I have lasted longer each time (3 years, 10 years, 35 years). That should count for something. I’m sure I would not be happy with Michael’s lifestyle, nor he with mine. Forcing yourself in a direction alien to your nature is just asking for misery. Your choices should be compatible with your innate inclinations. Rule Number Two: Know Thyself. Are we beginning to see a trend here?
Oops!
Everyone makes bad decisions. And almost everyone has made a preeminent one which they would change given the chance, no matter which way the future spun after that. My top two are failing to avoid a heart attack when I had the opportunity and not kissing Kathleen Carroll on her back porch when I was eight years old. There is absolutely no excuse for my gutless conduct in the latter nor extreme dunderheadedness in the former. I suffered a broken heart each time, but neither one killed me, so life continued on, allowing me to make several more poor choices, though no others which reduced my ejection fraction.
I also made good decisions. I never departed an intimate relationship having left an enemy, though the aftermath of my second marriage was contentious. Like many people, I’m blaming that one on the lawyers. The rest of the dearly departed are still friends or….well, dead. I don’t feel any of these romances was a waste of time, having learned something from each, and hopefully my partners feel the same way. Every experience led to the honing of interpersonal skills useful in the next round of the contest and the final touchdown justified all the fumbles. Rule Number Three: Learn From Your Poor Decisions; Don’t Make The Same Mistakes Over And Over.
The Bonehead Hall Of Fame
As we mentioned earlier, everyone makes a silly little error every now and then. Who hasn’t let the gas overfill the tank every so often? Who hasn’t arranged a blind date with Godzilla? Sometimes, an overexcited football player will run the ball over the wrong goal line, an LSD user will errantly drive to Duluth instead of Memphis, an overconfident brawler will tug on Superman’s cape. We understand, we’ve been there. Just be careful not to wind up with these guys.
1.—Thomas Austin. While most of our boners don’t rise to the level of that of the captain of the Exxon Valdez, a famous few have raised the Uh-Oh Bar. Thomas Austin, as we all know, thought it might be a good idea to introduce rabbits to Australia. Now, there are 200 million of them rampaging through the underbrush, devouring everything in sight. They even have a movie about it called The Rabbit-Proof Fence, regarding a flimsy barrier stretching from north to south across Western Australia, dividing the continent into two unequal parts. This barbed-wire monstrosity extends for 3,256 miles. So thanks a lot, Tom. Don’t bother coming over for tea.
2.—The guy who let the Trojan Horse in. Oops.
3.—Dick Rowe. It’s tough enough being named after a fraternity house, but Rowe will live in even greater infamy for his failings as a recording company honcho. Dick, while an executive at Decca Records, thought guitar groups were falling out of favor. On New Year’s Day, 1962, The Beatles auditioned for Decca producer Tony Meehan, the audition tape being forwarded on to Rowe for approval. He passed. It’s estimated the band earned $38.5 million by summer’s end, 1967.
4.---In 1812, Napoleon invaded Russia.
5.---Not a fast learner, in 1941 Hitler invaded Russia.
6.---George & Jacob Donner. In April of 1846, a group of 90 pioneers in 20 wagons followed the Donners westward from Illinois to California. They began their journey on the California Trail, a known wagon-trail route west, then headed into uncharted territory where they decided to take a shorter, alternate route. Due to freezing temperatures and rough, mountainous terrain, the shortcut turned out to be long and deadly. The Donner Party soon ran out of food and decided to eat each other. How would you like to be in charge of deciding who was the gourmet and who was the appetizer?
7.---The fellas who decided Thalidomide would be a good antidote for morning sickness. Can we have a do-over?
Also, before assigning premature blame, can we please speak to representatives from the Titanic and the Hindenburg?
We’ve Seen Clouds From Both Sides Now
It’s fascinating to sit on the beach at Waikiki and wonder what our lives might have been like had we been born there….or in Paris….or in Nome. Would the genes and environment which make us who we are have given us a vastly different life or would we have wound up in a similar place to which we now find ourselves? What if we were to the manor born, excused from worries about finances, presented with a broader range of choices? What if we were to the ghetto born, required to battle to survive and advance? How would we have done in any case? There is good fortune and bad but there is also the power of will, intestinal fortitude, true grit, incredible imagination and strength of personality, all available to shuffle the deck.
At any number of sidewalk art festivals you will meet plumbers, lumberjacks, accountants, embezzlers and people on the edge of oblivion standing proudly by their creations, perhaps winking at a blue ribbon, smiling as admirers pass by and give them a thumbs-up. Many are people in the throes of a second life, some retirees, a few reformed ne’er-do-wells, a gaggle of previously bored housewives, some gentlemen who have discovered themselves later in life, all mixed in with the artists-for-life. “Better late than never” is their motto. Chat them up and you’ll find grandmothers who had to work like dogs to keep body and soul together, fathers who had to scramble to keep the lights on, lost souls who struggled through endless mazes in search of the light. Then one day the sun came out and it was all so clear! A second life was available to anyone who would step up and take it.
There are no answers, only mysteries. “You pays yer money and you takes yer chances!” In certain areas of life, it pays to err on the side of caution. But sometimes….sometimes, after we have spent a lifetime honing our skills of perception, observing the odds, discovering the loopholes, accumulating a phalanx of allies and a wealth of resources….sometimes, we might want to err on the side of not quite reckless abandon, of new adventures, of experimentation and travel. Let’s finally see what a second life is like. “God damn it, I’m going to see one of those Norwegian fjords,” says Elmer Posluzsni of Hackensack, New Jersey. God bless you, Elmer, we’ll be thinking about you with a smile on our faces.
That’s all, folks….
bill.killeen094@gmail.com
