“I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like.”---Gelett Burgess
No, we are not making this stuff up. A banana duct-taped to a wall recently sold for 6.2 million dollars at a Sotheby’s auction in New York. The “conceptual art piece,” whatever that is, was sold to a goober named Justin Sun, who obviously has too much cash on his hands. Sun, wouldn’t you know it, is the founder of a cryptocurrency platform called TRON. Of the sale, he said the art piece called Comedian “represents a cultural phenomenon that bridges the worlds of art, memes and the crypto community.”
The Comedian, alas, will not be hanging on any walls or even lasting very long because Justin Sun promptly ate it. After the sale, he remarked. “In the coming days, I will personally eat the banana as part of this unique artistic experience, honoring its place in both art history and popular culture.” Oh. And what did you do with the duct tape, Justin?
The auction saw bidding start at a piffling $800,000 and increase to multi-millions within minutes, the auctioneer imploring bidders “Don’t let it slip away.” Lucius Elliot, head of contemporary marquee sales at Sotheby’s said there had been much debate over “whether this is art, whether it is a prank, whether it is a symbol of the excess of the art market. In truth, it is of course all of these things.” If you say so, Lucius.
Comedian originally became a viral sensation in 2019 when Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan debuted it at Art Basel Miami Beach. Festivalgoers tried to make out whether the single piece of fruit stuck to a white wall with silver tape was a joke or a cheeky commentary on questionable standards among art collectors. Comedian quickly erupted into a viral global sensation that drew record crowds and social media inundation, eventually landing on the front page of The New York Post. Then one day, somebody ate it…so Justin Sun is not even getting the original banana, just a scandalous imitation. Don’t worry, though, because he’s also getting a certification of authenticity that gives him the authority to duct-tape another banana to a wall and call it “Comedian.”
Local fruit magnate Will Thacker, who has been toting around his own banana for 54 years now, has a better offer. “For a mere FIVE.2 million, I will untape my banana from a wall and even chew it up FOR you! No fuss, no muss. And I will give you a much better certificate, with cursive calligraphy by Master Hsing Yun of the Fo Guang Shan Buddhist order. Better act today, though, this particular banana is looking a little pekid.”
The moral of the story is, as we already knew, one man’s bucket of cash is another man’s banana. We subscribe to the old quote by the inimitable Shihari Saravanan: “Art is a lie that makes us realize the Truth.” You couldn’t put anything past good old Shihari.
The Return Of Barney Google
Barney Google had a wife three times his size…
She stood Barney for divorce, now he’s living with his horse…
Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes!”---Billy Rose & Carl Conrad
Despite all indications to the contrary, Barney Google lives. Otherwise, how to explain the sudden spate of Googly Eye sightings in Bend, Oregon, where the comic eyeballs have been popping up on statues and murals, causing a viral sensation.
This doesn’t sit well with the grouchy administrators of Bend. “While the Googly Eyes placed on the various pieces of art around town might give you a chuckle, it costs money to remove them with care to not damage the art,” the city alleged on social media.
Au contraire, posted fans of the Googly Eyes. “It costs nothing if they just leave them there,” argued an eyeball supporter on Facebook. Another added, “My daughter and I went past the Flaming Chicken (a nickname for Bend’s “Phoenix Rising” statue) today and got the biggest laugh. We love the Googly Eyes. This town is getting too stuffy, let’s have fun!”
So far, Bend has spent a piffling $1500 to remove the eyes from seven of the eight statues impacted. The city’s communication director, Rene Mitchell, says it’s the adhesive on the Googly Eyes that’s causing the problem. “We really encourage our community to engage with the art, but we have to protect it. We need to bring awareness to the people that applying adhesives does harm to some of the art pieces which are made of different types of metal such as bronze and steel.”
You heard her, GE boosters. Stick to Scotch Tape in the future and the Googly Eyes shall rise again.
“My Kingdom For A Dumpling!”
Despite the arrival of the twenty-first century, China continues to be a mystery. Odd things happen there, like strangers in elevators making fun of you for being single and/or fat. The Chinese prefer their drinking water warm and that extends to their Diet Coke and even beer. In China, it’s the men who have long fingernails, a status symbol illustrating that they don’t have to work in the fields all day. More recent is a trend of mothers-to-be wearing cumbersome radiation vests to protect the unborn child from supposedly harmful computers, TVs and mobile phones and the radiation they emit. More enlightened Chinese doctors advise the vests are not only useless but potentially harmful to the baby. None of this compares, however, to the fanaticism of some Chinese students for soup dumplings. That’s right, soup dumplings. Imagine how they’d feel about pizza.
Locals in Zhengzhou have estimated that up to 200,000 young people called the Night Riding Army have taken to renting bikes at night to ride 37 miles to Kaifeng for the city’s famous guantangbao, a type of soup dumpling. Recently, police in Henan province were forced to close the highway blocked by the dumpling-lovers. Liu Lulu, a student at Henan University, told the China Daily that “People sang together and cheered for each other while climbing the hills together. I could feel the passion of the young people. And it was much more than a bike ride.” One observer posted on social media: “Last night’s Night Riding Army was spectacular. Two lanes were opened, but that simply was not enough…the cycling army accounted for four. It was glorious!”
Apparently, the phenomenon started in June when a mere four young women from Zhengzhou made an impromptu journey for the dumplings and described their adventure on social media. It caught on quickly, “like ‘Where The Boys Are’ in Fort Lauderdale,” said one Henan U. cosmopolite. Ah, unpredictable China, where elevator insults are rife and dumplings rule. Rave on, you Asian rebels!
Have Some Guinness….
With another year in the books, it’s critical we look back at the monumental achievements of 2024 as assayed by the dependable statisticians at Guinness World Records. It was yet another sterling annum for odd accomplishments, not the least of which were these:
1. Smallest Washing Machine. Sebin Saji of India smashed the GWR for tiniest washer when his minute appliance was officially measured at 1.28 inches by 1.32 inches by 1.523 inches, which is even smaller than a Tamagotchi digital pet or the budget of Estonia. In order to qualify for the record, Mr. Saji had to demonstrate that his washing machine was fully functional and could run a full cycle---wash, rinse and spin.
2. Largest Building In The Shape Of A Chicken. The Campuestohan Highland Resort, located in Occidental, earned the trophy with its new rooster-shaped edifice which stands at 114 feet, 7 inches high. Owner Ricardo Cano Gwapo Tan said the shape of the building, which features 15 air-conditioned hotel rooms. is a tribute to the local gamefowl industry.
3. Longest Paddling Journey By A Pumpkin Boat. Hand that award to good old Gary Kristensen, a clever Oregonian who hollowed out a pumpkin he named Punky Loafster and tootled 45.67 miles down the Columbia River to break the old record. Kristensen, who faced strong winds and unstable water during his journey, printed the words “IT’S REAL” on the side of his pumpkin to assure viewers they weren’t seeing things.
4. Fastest 10 Meters On A Skateboard By A Cat. Bao Zi, an American shorthair cat belonging to Chinese dog trainer Li Jiangtao, showed off his shredding skills by skateboarding 10 meters (32.8 feet) in 12.85 seconds. Bao Zi was originally purchased to help deal with a rodent problem at the Li residence but his new owner noticed how intently the cat would watch while he was teaching his dogs to skateboard. “Those hounds can’t even do a 180,” hissed the champ.
5. Highest Car Bungee Jump. You’re not going to believe this but Laurent Latsko, a professional stuntman and race car driver, sat in the driver’s seat of a Nissan Qashqai e-Power vehicle while it was dropped from a crane at a height of 213 feet, 3 inches. The brazen car bounced up and down many times at the end of bungee cord before coming to rest, setting a new world record. “I believe I’ll skip dinner,” reported Latsko.
6. Fastest Motorized Wheelbarrow. British mechanic Dylan Phillips, a confirmed wheelbarrow racer, hit the tarmac at Straightliners Speed Week 2024 at Elvington Airfield in Yorkshire with his latest custom-built vehicle, a souped-up wheelbarrow, and blazed a record-breaking 52.58 mph down the runway. “Getting the barrow up to speed is scary,” Phillips admitted, “but the real issue is slowing down” No wonder, since the odd contraption only has brakes on the front.
Obviously we horse farmers, locked into a utilitarian past, haven’t been getting a full measure of entertainment from our wheelbarrows. Live and learn.
That’s all, folks….
