Alas, we have already received news of the sad cancellation of the Marlinton, West Virginia Road Kill Cook-Off, where judges with cast-iron stomachs and a lack of vegan interests cast their ballots for such tasty treats as fried pig intestines, teriyaki-marinated bear and opossum stew. There will be no Miss Roadkill this year, no tiara, sash or $500 winner’s prize, and surely there are other sad scratches from the ranks of the usual Autumn Delights. But we are to praise Fall, not to bury it and there is plenty left to celebrate. Stuff like this:
Wooly Bully
You probably didn’t know this but there are 13 body segments in a Wooly Worm, corresponding to the 13 weeks of the winter season. Each body segment of the Wooly Worm emulates a specific week’s weather, or so says the hype for The 44th Annual Wooly Worm Festival of Banner Elk, North Carolina. Proud owners flock to this test of worm mettle in which the wooly critters race up a three-foot length of string in several heats, 25 worms to the heat. Since it takes all day to determine a winner, the 20,000 festival-goers have plenty of time to mill around, patronize the vendors and place small bets on their favorite worms. The sponsors claim there is no euphoria anywhere the equal of that one gets from cheering on a caterpillar to climb a string, and who are we to argue? The winning contender gets a trophy for his wormhole. Mark your calendars for October 20-21 and don’t try to worm your way out of it.
The Trailing Of The Sheep
Our old pals Johnny Bolton and Mike (Jagger) Hatcherson, along with 25,000 other madmen, are dusting off their party hats for this perennial sheepfest in Ketchum, Idaho on October 10-14. What began as a way to soothe tensions between bicyclists and sheepherders after a sheep path was commandeered for a bike trail has now become a full-blown love-in with 5 days of sheep-shearing demonstrations, championship sheepdog trials, sheep rancher Q-and-A’s, farm-to-table dinners. folklore fairs and the glamorous Sheepherders Ball. As usual, the ranchers will be trailing 1500 sheep from summer mountain ranges north of Sun Valley through Ketchum’s main street for at least the 150th time. Near the end of the affair, a naked sheep will jump out of a cake and the fans clamor, “Ewe, how exciting!” Hey Johnny---send us a t-shirt.
Our Entrant Is Danny Levine
The Hairy Leg Contest is one of the highlights of the day at the Coarsegold Tarantula Festival on October 27 in---you guessed it---sunny Coarsegold, California. Spider sympathizers are putting their best feet forward promoting these often-feared and misunderstood creatures and about time, too. Unleash your inner wordsmith in the Tarantula Poem Contest and watch in awe as the critters do their thing in the exciting Tarantula Derby. The festival celebrates the time of year the local arachnids come out to mate, keep their species alive and play a little pool. To keep everyone busy, there will be tons of activities, including the annual pie-eating contest. No tarantulas will be harmed in the baking of these pies.
Saturday Night Fever
Do you miss the dancing days of Abba, the Bee Gees, John Travolta….the glittery rotating globes flashing light in all directions at the hottest spots in town? Are your disco dreams lost to the past, victims of same incessant musical progress that brought us the glories of Rap? Well, grab your hat and get your platform shoes and head for beautiful Buffalo---that’s right, Buffalo---for The World’s Largest Disco on November 27. Every year, the local Convention Center morphs into Saturday Night Fever to the nth power as sold-out crowds flock to the largest dance floor in New York State with 500,000 watts of sound and lights. It’s Retro Central, once voted “The Greatest Event on Earth” by Festivals.com. You’ll be “the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen” once again. And you’ll sure feel like an ancient monarch in the morning.
North, To Alaska
If the Autumn days are dwindling and you find yourself still locked into full festival mode, you might want to scurry up to the north country for the Cordova (Alaska) Iceworm Festival, a town treasure since 1961. Named for a minuscule worm that thrives in glacial ecosystems, the festival is now a celebration of all things winter. The grand finale day features the world-famous Iceworm Parade starring the lovely and talented Miss Iceworm, followed immediately by the Oyster Shuck & Suck (never say this too quickly) at the Powder House and the Iceworm Bazaar at Cordova Center. Capping it off is the exceptional Daddy Daughter Dance where couples sign up for a one-hour time slot (only ten to a slot). If Pops is missing, daughters may substitute grandpas, uncles, older brothers or Jerry Lee Lewis.
“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”---Shakespeare
In the Good Old Days, Gainesville had a Halloween celebration equal to any and better than most. The University of Florida’s Halloween Ball grew from a small nugget to the motherlode in just a few years under the clever direction of Jeff Goldstein and his merry men. Bands perfectly suited to the event, like Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen charged up the costumed crowds which spilled from the campus to the surrounding streets, causing mayhem and eventually scaring the bejeezus out of the University bigwigs, who finally cancelled it. After all, what can you tell the Board of Regents when thousands of celebrants in various stages of nakedness are rampaging through traffic, having sex in the azalea bushes and flashing the police? It was worth the price of admission ($0) just to ogle the cute transvestites in their patterned nylons.
Jeff Goldstein is still around, of course, grouchier but still as sharp as a cactus spine, and we’ve posed the suggestion he revive the decadent Costume Ball in Gainesville at his new operating base, the Heartwood Soundstage. Silly man, he thinks “not many people would come. It’s a different era. The old Ball started going downhill when everybody stopped wearing costumes and I don’t think people have changed that much.”
Let’s see….a party under the stars, no kids, a Halloweeny band playing scary music while Sheila the Dealer circulates through the crowd selling pungent party favors. Hmmn. Sounds promising to us. All we need to do is find a few cute transvestites.
Monster Mashes
You know you’re in the right Halloween setting when you notice the local police cars have images of witches on the doors, as they do in Salem, Massachusetts, where the Salem Witches Halloween Ball presents a fantastic festival of the dead. From psychic fairs to witchcraft expos to vampire masquerade balls, Salem leads the pack. And after the Ball is over, you can retire to the top of a mountain and enjoy the lively hilltop burnings. This year, Bron Beynon will play Janet in a stirring reenactment of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
If you happen to be in jolly old England, The London Dungeon experience is guaranteed to raise the hair on the back of your neck. It takes visitors back through the city’s traumatic and bloody past via an interactive event during which you will meet several serial killers who have haunted the streets of London. Everybody from Jack The Ripper to Sweeny Todd shows up as actors escort you through 14 shows, three frightening rides and horrific depictions from the infamous Black Plague Era. Refreshments will be served.
Without question, one of the top Halloween tours you can find is at the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose, California, an eccentric maze said to be haunted by its builder. The house is full of weird structural components like a staircase that descends seven steps and then suddenly rises by eleven and doors that open into thin air. The inescapable number 13 pops up everywhere for reasons known only to the builder. Visitors are guaranteed to be spooked, mystified and often lost inside. Temporarily, of course.
Samhain is the original Halloween festival, a cultural celebration that was born in Ireland long before such festivals reached the United States and Canada. Samhain started as a Celtic end-of-harvest holiday, which was believed to be the day when the line between this world and the afterlife was thinned, allowing spirits to pass through. In order to trick these spirits, people dressed up as ghouls to escape the notice of the ghosts passing by. The ghosts were often angry and were therefore offered sweets and treats by their earthly companions to appease them. The birth of Christianity in the region turned Samhain into Halloween, where trick-or-treating, costumed celebrants and jack-o-lanterns became the order of the day.
The Fair-Haired Boy
It’s hard to imagine a better fate than returning to life as Chris Thibaut at age 21. Blessed with angelic good looks, a soft demeanor and a gaggle of Winter Park friends, Chris had Life by the short hairs. Men liked him and women swooned, but Chris was not some shallow gigolo who lived by his appearance. At the University of Florida, he learned all the tricks of the photography trade and emerged as a master of his craft. In the late 1960s, Thibaut worked at Gainesville’s Subterranean Circus, a gig he later called “the best job I ever had,” due to the opportunities presented by the endless stream of available female customers. If you were to know Chris in those days, you would have voted him Most Likely To Become A Bigamist, or perhaps to own a harem. But that didn’t happen. After years of traveling through the American West, he emerged with a new wife named Kay, fathered two children and stayed with her forever.
Chris never forgot his old friends, remembering birthdays, sending encouragement whenever someone faltered, always there with a virtual pat on the back. When we asked him on several occasions for photos to flesh out some incarnation of The Flying Pie, he was always quick to help out. His ancient pictures of the old Atlanta Pop Festivals are rare classics beloved by the fortunate folks pictured therein. Despite owning these rare gems, he always remarked, “I wish I was a better photographer back then.” Chris was a reader of the Pie from day one and generous with his always-brief comments. If he liked a column, it was “Good Pie.” If he really liked one, it was Great Pie!”
Chris Thibaut slipped the surly bonds of Earth the other day, camera in hand, headed north, perhaps to some great pop festival in the sky. His admirers are saddened by his departure but enhanced by having known him. The angels will swoon as he passes.
That’s all, folks….
