Close The Door, They’re Comin’ Through The Windows (Ebb & Klein)
Close the door, they’re comin’ through the windows,
Close the door, they’re runnin’ up the stairs,
Close the door, they’re hangin’ off the ceiling….
Those bah-da-da-da-da-dahs are everywhere!
He was watering the flowers by the window sill
And then he saw them comin’ over yonder hill
Why, there must have been a million of every shape and size,
And so I yelled to everyone, “You’d better get inside!”
He ran into the playroom, grabbed a cricket bat,
And every time he met one, he gave him this and that.
That’s how it drove me crazy and had me mystified;
The more and more I knocked ‘em down, the more they multiplied.
They got into the kitchen, they got into the sink,
They went into the cellar and poured themselves a drink.
They got on the piano, ran up and down the keys,
And soon I was a-standin’ in ‘em right up to me knees.
Now that all the fuss is over, I sink into my chair,
This house is all a shambles, but really I don’t care,
I’m going to take it easy, try not to think of them….
Bah-da-da-da-da-dah, here they come again!
Close the door, they’re comin’ through the window,
Close the door, they’re runnin’ up the stairs,
Close the door, they’re hangin’ off the ceiling….
Those bah-da-da-da-da-dahs are everywhere!
It’s Another Coyote Sunset
Our friend, Christy Kay, came into the gym the other day and said, “The coyotes got my little dog.” And then she produced some photos her neighbors had taken of coyotes brazenly prowling on her front lawn at sunset. Christy lives only a mile from the gym so it’s obvious these critters don’t need the deep woods to fester in. These particular coyotes had made their headquarters near an abandoned trailer and were terrorizing the area. She acquired the services of a trapper and the score is now Coyotes 1, Christy 1. In the long run, we’re betting on Christy.
This coyote problem, however, is not going away. The varmints are popping up everywhere, gobbling down kitty cats and any other little creatures they can get their paws on. We had our own den of coyotes here a while back and it was unsettling, to say the least. The property to our immediate east, separated from us by an electric company’s right of way, is 350 forested acres, containing deer, turkeys, raccoons, possum and armadillos, among others. For awhile, at twilight, a noisy band of coyotes would scurry down the right of way on a regular basis, emitting their snarling, screeching cries into the distance. We were concerned about the horses, especially the foals, but the coyotes seemed intimidated by the mares. And then, of course, we have the two mules, Mary Margaret and Pitznoggle. For some reason, coyotes are supposed to be afraid of mules. This information somehow leaked out to Mary Margaret and Pitznoggle and now they walk around nodding their heads up and down, exclaiming “uhuh, we bad….we bad….”
Fortunately, the man who owns the acreage decided one day he would run some cows on the property so he got his own trapper and shortly thereafter the coyotes disappeared. They say coyotes are pretty smart and we believe them. One day, they come upon a lifeless body out by old Lake Sourbottom and it’s “Oh oh, Irma—looks like the ‘necks got ol’ Frank last night. We’d best be movin’ on to Zuber.” And they’re gone.
We saw a coyote about 50 yards away once in our north (non-mule) paddock. He was looking over our way at China, our Rottweiler. Fortunately for the coyote, he was too far away to catch. China thinks of coyotes as dessert, which is probably why our cat, Elmo, is still around. The cows on the neighboring property sometimes perplex the horses, who maintain a rigid schedule of where they will be at various times of the day. Seems the cows have no such itinerary and keep showing up whenever they feel like it. They particularly like to show up near the barns at horse feeding times, annoying the horses mightily. We’re okay with it, however. Annoying cows trump screaming coyotes every time.
Jason Coyote
A horse-training friend of ours named Jason Stodghill has no such reservations about coyotes, which he dearly loves. Jason likes them so much he names all his horses after coyotes and he has a lot of horses. A few years ago, the coyotes (horses) were running wild at Tampa Bay Downs and Jason won so many races he got to be leading trainer and they awarded him a great big belt buckle for the accomplishment. Unfortunately, all this went to Jason’s head and he suffered delusions of grandeur. When the Tampa Bay racing season was over, he went down to Calder (where it’s perennially hard to get stalls) and told them he’d take twelve, please. They said, how about six? Jason told them he was an important guy and it would have to be twelve stalls or nothing. I think you can figure out the rest of this story.
Over the next few years, Jason meandered up and down the east coast, running his coyotes and eventually returning to his farm in Ocala to breed more of them. Then one day, he had a brilliant idea which many of us would call “overkill.” He would change his OWN name to “Coyote.” Legally. And he did. If he had asked us, which he most assuredly did not, we would have told him that his new name might hinder his search for a new wife. Not many women will be thrilled to be called “Mrs. Coyote.” And you can completely give up on anyone named Jody.
Mexican Coyotes
If you are an innocent Mexican with a few bucks and a yen to get into the United States, you will probably end up securing the services of a “coyote,” a person experienced in the ways of human smuggling. Maybe you will be lucky and get a coyote like Fernando. Maybe not. Fernando takes pride in his work, claiming “I knew what it was like to walk in the hills, how the coyote guides treat you.” Fernando had used a coyote’s services to get to Southern California years ago. “When I had the opportunity to help people I decided to do it because I had gone through this.”
Today, Mexican smugglers can make up to $2500, Ecuadoran smugglers up to $30,000 and Chinese smugglers up to $60,000 a person. “It’s not like they’re Robin Hood,” says Kevin Jeffery, deputy special agent in charge of Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Los Angeles. “It’s a money-making operation and extremely violent.” Tales abound of smuggling atrocities. In October, 2002, eleven illegal immigrants who had been smuggled into the U.S. were found dead in a covered grain car in Iowa, their bodies having been trapped at least four months. Last June, 77 severely dehydrated men, women and children were found walking in the desert by the Border Patrol west of Tucson. Members of the group had strongarmed their coyote and taken his cell phone to call 911 after he ignored their pleas for help. Many would-be smugglees become too weak and infirm to keep up and are often left behind to die.
Not all coyotes are villains, however. Fernando says his business is largely built on referrals and his fees are not collected until his clients (who are picked up just outside the Mexican city of Tecate and then trek roughly 10 to 13 hours on foot through the mountains) are picked up near Highway 94 in San Diego county.
“There are many smugglers who just swindle people,” Fernando says. “They take the money and send them to the desert. We are not all like that. We give our hearts.”
Who says there’s no such thing as a good coyote?
(Much above from the Banderas News, Puerto Vallarta)
Want To Get Into A Growing Business?
How about a bright, shiny Meth Lab? They’re almost like Starbuck’s, there’s one on every corner. In the old days, all the meth labs were run by broken-down bikers or at least hillbillies up in Kentucky or West Virginia someplace, but now anybody can have one. These businesses are especially chic in trailer parks, where you might find several dozen, but you can get started on your venture in a space no larger than a Catholic confessional or a medium-sized automobile. Don’t delay—all your friends are doing it.
This meth lab popularity probably derives from AMC’s television show, Breaking Bad, in which a high-school teacher gets cancer and starts dealing meth. The thing has been on for about five years now, is enormously popular and well-reviewed so your average, every-day meth dealer’s status has become enhanced. Oh, it’s not like telling your social claque that your husband is a doctor or a nuclear scientist but it’s definitely up there with lawyers and blog writers. The only down side to the whole deal is possibly running out of customers what with all the competition, although that doesn’t seem to be happening so far.
One small word of caution. You might want to be extra-careful with your little meth lab business as these things have been known to occasionally, well, blow up. Which could definitely put a large crimp in your business, not to mention yourself. When hiring, it is probably best NOT to employ any of those fellows hanging out by the courthouse looking for work. Or people with less than a grade-school education. We do not mean to discriminate against the learning-impaired but explosions are explosions, after all.
Just a final advisory. Hard as it may be to believe, the Small Business Administration has, for some obscure reason, taken a negative attitude toward these businesses and will not be assisting with their helpful loans. There’s just no accounting for some people’s predilections.
In Case You Were Wondering….
Cosmic Crown works Saturday as we desperately search for an apt race that will go at Gulfstream. Pogo is picking up the pace in his training, aiming for a late April departure to Calder. Dot and Wanda are being cultured prior to breeding to Hear No Evil and Kantharos. The yearlings, Puck and Hannah, are cavorting in the fields. Mary Margaret and Pitznoggle remain on coyote alert.
The dogwoods are out, by the way. Spring is almost upon us,
That’s all, folks….
