“Break on through to the other side.”---Jim Morrison
Growing up, we didn’t like Change much. We were appalled when jaunty Jackie Mercier moved out of the neighborhood and obnoxious Eddie Ledwich moved in. We were apoplectic when our parents called an audible on a Salisbury Beach weekend and decided to drive a million miles to visit obscure relatives in boring old West Thunderstitch. Worst of all, we were seduced and abandoned when the seedy but loveable State Theater stopped running horror movies every Saturday afternoon and opted for crummy romantic comedies instead. Which way to the complaint department, we need to speak to the manager.
Baseball purists didn’t cotton to the Designated Hitter at first, preferring to let weak-hitting, rally-killing pitchers come to bat and strike out. The DH would alter The Grand Old Game, mess up the record-books, befoul our baseball traditions. Then there was that intolerable Ted Williams Shift, which built a virtual blockade on the right side of the infield and cheated The Kid out of even greater glory.
We didn’t like bottled water, either. It was laughable. Who was going to pay good money for something we could get easily and cheaply from the kitchen tap? The new stuff wasn’t even all that pure…out of all the brands tested, only Zephyrhills and Fiji passed muster. The others were full of creepy-crawlies that could give you hives or make you appreciate Kanye West. Besides, the greedy bottlers were abusing Florida’s precious natural springs, those inconsiderate bastards. Admittedly, however, having a 24-pack in the trunk for emergency road trips wasn’t such a bad thing.
Yoga was for ascetics and oddballs wearing glorified diapers and making funny sounds. Who was crazy enough to want to stand on his head? Who wanted to be a human pretzel? What was this Om foolishness? Then the Beatles went to India and the fashion industry came up with skin-tight yoga pants.
The last straw, of course, was the arrival of those cursed computers. Next thing you knew there were no more typewriters, bookstores and record shops in every mall. Blockbuster went down the drain, musicians couldn’t make any money, the gnarly Russians got Trump elected. You couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without carrying a large backpack containing your 3000 different passwords around with you. But then one day an old girlfriend from 1975 looked you up, flew East and moved in. Hmmn. Maybe we’ve been a little rash.
All Things Are Difficult Before They Are Easy
“Change is inevitable, growth is optional.”---John Maxwell
Even if Change is properly criticized as two steps forward, one step back, that’s still a gain of a step. Following are a few steps forward for the coming year.
1. The End Of Passwords. In 1960, MIT professor Fernando Corbato was developing a new kind of shared computer system and wanted to find a way for people to protect their private files. His solution was a password, which became the Standard operating procedure over the years. As time went by, however, passwords became cumbersome and inherently insecure. In 2022, new forms of authentification will finally let us escape the Tyranny of the Bulky Password. Instead, we’ll use a link sent by email, a push notification or a biometric scan, all of which are easier and more secure.
2. A Long-Lasting Grid Battery. Renewables are fine, but what happens when the sun goes down, the wind dies out, the people gather ‘round and they all begin to shout? Nothing, that’s what. Grid operators have long needed a way to store electricity for later and they will soon have it. New iron-based batteries using abundant materials appear to be up to the task. Cheaper and more practical, too.
For a few seconds on a sunny April 2021 afternoon, renewables broke a record for California’s main electric grid, providing enough power to supply almost 95% of demand. Massachusetts-based Form Energy, which raised $240 million in 2021, now has batteries that store power for 100 hours. Its first installation will be a pilot plant located in Minnesota slated for completion in 2023.
3. A Malaria Vaccine For Will Thacker, Et Al. Big Pharma has never been too excited about finding a vaccine for Malaria because there’s not a ton of money in it. The disease kills over 600,000 people a year, most of them children under five in non-thriving nations. But now the World Health Organization has approved a new vaccine which should kick the pins from under the culprit. It’s also the world’s first vaccine for a parasitic infection.
GlaxoSmithKline’s vaccine, known as RTS,S or Mosquirix is not perfect. It requires three doses in children between five and seventeen months old and a fourth dose given twelve to fifteen months after that. Tested in Sub-Saharan Africa, it had an efficacy of approximately 50%. Not the Holy Grail but better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
4. Captain’s Billy’s Whiz-Bang Pill For Covid. A new drug from Pfizer is providing effective and broad protection against the Covid-19 virus, including the newest variants. Happy days may be here again as these pills in combination with the current vaccines could chase the pandemic into the sea.
Given to people within a few days of infection, an antiviral from Pfizer slashed the chance of hospitalization from Covid by a whopping 89%. The U.S. government has already placed orders for $10 billion worth of the new drug called Paxlovid.
5. The Acme Carbon Removal Factory. Ted Hansen and Wile E. Coyote would be delighted. While reducing emissions is a key step in mitigating climate change, it’s not enough. To avoid a catastrophic future warming, we must also remove carbon dioxide from the air. The world’s largest carbon removal factory just opened in Iceland to do just that. More will follow.
Last September, Climeworks flipped the switch on Orca, the largest plant to date designed to remove carbon dioxide from the air. The facility, located outside Reykjavik, can capture 4000 metric tons of carbon dioxide every year. Large fans suck air through a filter, where materials bind with CO2 molecules. The company’s partner, Carbfix, then mixes the carbon dioxide with water and pumps it underground, where it reacts with basalt rock and eventually turns to stone. The facility runs entirely on carbon-free electricity, mainly from a nearby geothermal power plant.
6. Practical Fusion Reactors. Okay, this could take a little longer (like the early 2030s) but they’re on it and closing in. The promise of limitless, carbon-free electricity has for decades inspired researchers to try to make fusion power work. Now, one startup plans to deliver it to the grid within ten years. Its design relies on a powerful new magnet which shattered records and should allow the company to build smaller, less expensive reactors.
Commonwealth Fusion Systems slowly charged a 10-ton D-shaped magnet, pushing up the field strength until it surpassed 20 tesla—a record for a magnet of its kind. The company’s founders claim the feat addressed the major engineering challenge required to develop a compact, inexpensive reactor.
Mighty Mouse Is On The Way
Already in the works is a cancer vaccine that can be used for any particular strain. It works like this; during a surgical procedure, a small part of the tumor is removed and taken to the lab, then divided into 3 isolated pieces. The first one is analyzed for DNA in order to establish the mutations in the tumor. Information about RNA comes from the second piece. It tells scientists which parts of the mutations are expressed at the protein level. The researchers use the third piece of the tumor for experiments. The final step is to enter all the data into lab software which will ultimately design the vaccine itself. The vaccine boosts the immune cells affected by the tumor and happy days are here again. We hope.
Now let’s get to the important stuff. As everyone knows, the world needs a better toilet. How many different ways can those irritating contraptions in the tank conspire to muck up the works? The toilet overflows, the plunger gets stuck on “open” and the rambling water floods your septic tank. Or perhaps it doesn’t quite empty, leaving a lovely surprise for the next user. John (The Biscuit) Cage on Calista Flockhart’s old Ally McBeal shows used to demand “a fresh bowl,” and with good reason. It goes right along with the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Soon there will be a toilet which will use filtered liquid waste to produce water for the flushing. The solids will be burned and the heat from the burning will help dry up the next load of solids, thus all that will come out of the toilet is a bit of ash. Adding to this garden of delights is the fact that the potty gets its power from those loveable solar panels. These revolutionary toilets are being developed right now at Duke University in a project funded by the Gates Foundation. So bite your lip next time you say Bill doesn’t give a shit about the little guy.
Flying Pie 101
The Flying Pie is going to make you more intelligent this year. When your smartypants friends give you the intellectual snoot, now you will be able to say, “Yeah, well, did you know it’s impossible to hum while holding your nose?” Go ahead, try it, wise guy.
A few other things. First, octopuses have three hearts, one to pump blood to their whole systems, the others dedicated to the gills.
In the Philippines, McDonald’s serves spaghetti. Would you like fries with that? No.
Lobsters taste with their feet. Tiny bristles inside the lobsters little pincers are their equivalent to human taste buds.
Before toilet paper was invented, Americans used corn cobs. In Alabama and Mississippi they still do. In Kansas, they used censored schoolbooks.
The shortest war in history lasted 38 minutes, and no, it did not involve the Israelis and Palestinians. In 1896, the sultan of British-protected Zanzibar died and a new guy took over without British approval. English warships bombarded the place for over a half-hour and new Sultan Khalid bin Barghash hit the dusty trail.
Blue whale tongues can weigh as much as an elephant. Don’t believe us? Go ahead, weigh one.
Shadows are darker on the Moon. Ask any astronaut.
A flock of ravens is called an unkindness. A flock of rednecks is called a Mobile Home Village
British military tanks are equipped to make tea. They still have to ship in the crumpets.
And finally, researchers once turned a live cat into a telephone. It’s okay, don’t call the SPCA. Princeton researchers Ernest Weaver and Charles Bray took out a cat’s skull and most of its brain to connect the animal to electricity. When they spoke into the cat’s ear, the sound could be heard through a phone receiver in another room. This twisted experiment paved the way for cochlear implants. The cat was nonetheless very pissed off.
That’s all, folks….
bill.killeen094@gmail.com
