The vacation surge is on. Citizens rife with Cabin Fever from the Covid era are spilling from their homes and heading for the airports. Finding a cheap rental car is tougher than unearthing a diamond in your back yard. Yosemite National Park has imposed limits on daily visitors for the first time in memory. There’s barely room on the highways for Thelma and Louise. What to do, where to go? Probably not California, where the tourist sites are packed and light on employees who are still at home enjoying their government benefit checks. Probably not any of the typical tourist meccas if you don’t like waiting in line. Don’t worry, though, The Flying Pie has some helpful suggestions, as usual. We’re desperate to get Gary Borse out of the house.
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| Colorful Williams, Arizona, a stone's throw from The Big Ditch |
Go West, Old Man!
It’s not as though any of the following places will not be busy. In the summer, visitors flock to nature’s shrines, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, as long as they both shall live. Nonetheless, some destinations are more accommodating than others, some are a bit more roomy or harder to get to. Like Southern Utah/Northern Arizona, where, if you’re not happy one exotic place, there’s another just up the road.
There are a number of options. You can fly into Las Vegas, which always has an abundance of rental cars, spend a night or two and head either for Zion National Park or the Grand Canyon via Hoover Dam. Or you can aviate into Flagstaff, much closer to the Grand Canyon and Sedona.
Let’s assume you start at the Grand Canyon, where overnight vacancies are rare and very expensive. The nearby village of Tusayan might have openings, but not many. One hour away, however, is the lively town of Williams, with plenty of rooms at appetizing rates. Williams is the starting point for the Grand Canyon Railroad, which takes non-drivers to the Canyon and back. Avoid that ride at all costs. You could drive to the moon and back in the time this round trip takes. Williams is also only an hour from lovely Sedona, a rare gem surrounded by a red rock wonderland. Take the Vortex Tour just for fun. Gary Borse will be on it.
After Sedona, head north to haunting Monument Valley. The approach from the south advises far in advance that a special place awaits. Stay at the Navajo-owned The View hotel. Don’t even think about staying anywhere else. Your balcony---and everybody has one---opens up onto a panorama that beats any movie set (and has actually served as one time and again). There are only 12 Navajo families allowed to live in the Valley. Hire a young man from one of them (there’s an office in the parking lot) and ride into the back country where they live. The rock formations are astonishing and unending. If you have a good sense of humor, you can watch one of the hotel’s John Wayne movies at night. The Searchers and others were made right there. Buy an Indian knife at the gift shop. Walk outside in the early evening and savor the quiet. Take spectacular photos of the setting sun shining on the monuments. Dream of cowboys being defeated by Indians.
Antelope Canyon
You’ve seen it, you just don’t know it. Antelope Canyon is an easy ride west from Monument Valley, just southeast of Page, Arizona. It’s that place with the smooth, swooping sandstone walls where the midday sun sends its beams knifing through the canyon ceiling, creating magical effects. A brain-damaged lout could take museum-worthy photos just by stumbling around pushing buttons.
Your Navajo driver, crazed on peyote, will take you there from his roadside headquarters in the back of a bouncing truck. Do not believe him or her when they tell you it’s not necessary to use your seat belt, wear a helmet or wrap yourself in bubble-wrap. It’s safer to ride a motorcycle over China’s Bend Road To Heaven than to chance this trip without a security blanket. When you get to Antelope Canyon, however, it will all prove worthwhile. The scenery is magnificent and your faithful Indian guide knows all the best photo angles. Oh, and the ride home is a little smoother. The Navajos only race each other on the way to the canyon, not fro. On the way back, they’re thinking about tips.
Zion & Bryce
Whether you’re headed to Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon from Vegas or from Antelope Canyon, one of them is your next logical stop. The two are a little more than one hour apart. The red-orange hoodoos of Bryce are found nowhere else and the hikes through the area are modest. The Zion Narrows hike, which runs through the north fork of the Virgin River between 1000-foot-tall canyon walls is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Rather than perishing from the 12-hour extravaganza, most people will simply go to the end point of the hike, wade in and walk as long as they choose to get a whiff of the experience.
If your vacation is a long one, you may opt to head east and north from Page up to Moab to see Canyonlands and Arches National Park. Canyonlands goes on forever and there are hikes of all descriptions available. Arches is much smaller but the endless variety of natural arches is phenomenal and the trails are not taxing. If, like Garbo, you want to be alone, Canyonlands is your cup of tea. Arches is more crowded, so go early. At night, you can take a narrated cruise down the Colorado and listen to a little history while the cruise company shines truck lights on the canyon walls. At the end of the soiree, the captain will play Moonlight On The Colorado while you are actually experiencing moonlight on the Colorado. What a clever fellow. That’s got to be worth a double-sawbuck.
Northern Exposure
An alternate to the Utah/Arizona border is the Montana/Wyoming escapade, best enjoyed in July or later. The trip includes Glacier National Park and Yellowstone, with a bonus in the Tetons if you have enough time.
We cite July because its cold up there and the snow often lasts well into June. The Going To The Sun Road in Glacier, one of the most spectacular stretches of asphalt you will ever see in your life, typically opens around June 25, as it did this year. In Yellowstone, all roads are usually open by Memorial Day weekend but the white stuff often lingers well into June. Our friends, Sharon and John Cinney went one fine June and were flabbergasted to see Frosty the Snowman dancing across the alabaster meadows.
Kalispell, Montana is the closest city of any size to Glacier and it has a surprisingly spiffy airport and ample hotel rooms if you book a few months early. Nearby Big Fork has almost no overnight facilities but one of the best art festivals in the country on the first weekend of August. Whitefish, closer to the park, is a perky little town with an array of interesting shops, restaurants and even a tiny beach.
Glacier National Park, itself, is a wonderland of lush hills and valleys punctuated by the bluest lakes in Montana. You can ride one of the park’s trademark red limousines to the Continental Divide at Logan Pass or anywhere else you want to go. The vehicles are equipped with a peel-back roof to accommodate photographers or anyone else who wants to stand and take a good look. The tours are narrated and stop often for picture-taking. There is also a free park shuttle with drop-off points at all the trailheads and points of interest. There is a particularly unusual hike from the visitor center at Logan Pass to Hidden Lake, which passes through snowy terrain patrolled by alert bighorn sheep. It’s slippery, so walk softly and carry a big stick.
It’s not called Glacier for nothing. What remains of the famous Grinnell Glacier stands at the end of the Grinnell Glacier Trail, fittingly enough, on the northern side of the park. While there, you’ll want to visit (or stay at) the iconic Many Glacier Hotel, built in 1915 by the Great Northern Railway to encourage tourism to the far reaches of the country. The hotel sits hard by lovely Swiftcurrent Lake amidst imposing mountain scenery. Many Glacier has a Swiss alpine theme inside and out, so you are allowed to yodel.
I’m Here At Yellowstone But I Don’t See Yogi.
You can reach Yellowstone from the north via Gardiner, Montana, home of the famous Roosevelt Arch or from the west through West Yellowstone, Montana. The park, itself, is mostly in Wyoming. It’s big, and you won’t see it all, but you’ll surely see Old Faithful and many of the thermals. Don’t fall off those skinny walkways into the Grand Prismatic Spring, but do hold onto your hat, sunglasses and other accoutrements or they’ll surely be blown across and into the steamy water by the healthy wind gusts which seldom leave for long.
Yellowstone has more wandering animals than any national park and they don’t mind getting in your way. There’s always a passel of them in the Hayden Valley, blocking the roadways and demanding pizza. Black bears and grizzlies roam far and wide, wolves prowl on the fringes and elk and moose are ubiquitous. You probably won’t see a bobcat, lynx or cougar but that’s not because the big cats aren’t there.
One of the premier hikes in Yellowstone provides close-up views of the Grand Canyon of The Yellowstone. Another follows a service road to the top of 10,243-foot Mount Washburn. One Siobhan and I particularly liked was in the Mammoth Hot Springs neighborhood and ran past the hot springs to the peak of Sepulcher Mountain.
If you’re not staying in the park, West Yellowstone is a lively alternative with everything you need, including the formidable Playmill Theater, which alternates popular plays nightly. As usual, last-minute reservations in the town are risky.
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| The Cascade Canyon Trail in the Tetons |
Home Of The Fighting Donuts
If you have a couple days extra, you’ll want to proceed to Jackson Hole and Teton National Park. And before we go any further, let’s discuss this Jackson Hole business. Newark, N.J. might well be a Hole but the city has the good sense not to advertise it. East St. Louis is a decided Hole but nobody has the bad manners to mention it. So why Jackson “Hole.”
First of all, the city, itself, is merely “Jackson,” named after an old trapper named David E. Jackson. The moniker Jackson Hole refers to the entire valley, which includes Teton Village, Wilson, the Aspens, Moran Junction, Moose and other delightful spots. Teton National Park is small at 484-square miles in contrast with the Yellowstone behemoth at 3.5 thousand, but its peaks are unforgettable. Teton is tranquil, except when the early-afternoon thunder and lightning storms get cooking and hikers can get saturated in minutes.
The Cascade Canyon Trail along a creek of the same name is a moderately challenging trek, featuring a steep 800-foot climb right at the outset to Inspiration Point, passing Hidden Falls on the way. The hike is a 5.8 mile round-trip starting at the Jenny Lake Loop Trailhead, but you can cheat and take a shuttle boat across the lake to save time and aging legs.
You don’t want to stay in Jackson too long unless you are somehow related to King Midas. It’s colorful but expensive and by this time you’re running out of pelf. Go get a banana split at the famous Jackson Drug and Original Soda Fountain on the downtown square and head for the lively local airport for the trip home. It’s surprisingly roomy, offers oodles of flights and is just a hop from town. Take one last gander at the Tetons in the distance and say your goodbyes. Vacation time is over for another year, but you’re still smiling. The Last Tango In Gainesville is a mere eight months away.
That’s all, folks….
Addenda: Travelers considering a trip to the major national parks in 2021 should check their websites to assure they are fully open and available. Most are, but some have conditions you should know about.
