“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.---Henry Rollins
In the United States, a stunning 27% of all adults 60 and over live alone, many of them reading The Flying Pie right now. This is not the norm for the rest of the world, where only 16% of adults in 130 countries and territories studied by the Pew Research Center live by themselves. In many countries in the Asia-Pacific and sub-Saharan Africa regions, less than 5% of seniors live alone.
Globally, living in extended-family households with relatives which may include grandchildren, nephews and adult spouses, is the most common arrangement for people over 60. Nearly four in ten older adults live in this type of situation, including two-thirds in places as varied as Iraq, Namibia and India. That compares with only 6% of people in the U.S.
Households are generally smaller in countries that are more prosperous, as defined by a variety of measures including education, longevity and economic output. People in these places tend to have relatively few children and have them later in life. Governments in wealthier countries also may offer financial assistance or health care benefits to retired adults, making it more affordable for older people to stay in their own homes. Considerably more older women than men live alone---20% to 11% in the places studied---partly because of slightly longer health spans but also because of a tendency to partner with men who are older.
If you dislike the idea of playing solitaire throughout your older years, it might be a good idea to be a Hindu. Of all the major religious groups, Hindus are the most likely to live in a wide circle of relatives. Seven in ten of the world’s older Hindus live in extended families. Even in countries other than India, the stats hold up. In Canada, 46% of Hindus aged 60 and older live with extended families, more than four times the share of Canadian seniors overall (10%).
The senior population in the United States is blowing up, with 46 million seniors over 65 in the country today and double that number projected by 2060. Alone or not, 90% of seniors want to retain their independence and remain in their own homes for the next five to ten years. Nonetheless, only 43% of people over 70 feel it’s easy to do so. High-quality public transportation is an issue with many of them uncomfortable with driving. The onset of dementia is another. And then, of course, there is the ogre of Loneliness. All of which explains the allure of upscale senior living communities like The Villages, which are popping up everywhere. Alas, not everyone has the finances or the inclination to buy off loneliness. And as they say on the television series, This Is Us. Most of us, anyway.
Lonely Days & Lonely Nights
More than a third of older adults confess they are lonely and pride probably keeps that figure lower than it actually is. Loneliness is linked to so many health problems that some analysts claim it’s worse than smoking or obesity. It may increase the risk of death by 30 to 60 percent and is linked to depression, chronic health problems and worse outcomes in people with serious illnesses.
Jack, who lives by himself just outside the Gainesville city limits, is a typical oldster. “I like to walk to breakfast every morning so I get to be with some people. A few of the same folks are there most days, so it gets to be like a club. The restaurant puts up with us hanging around a little too long because they get it. Tell you the truth, it’s a lonely existence but the breakfasts help.”
Before my Ocala gym, Lifetime Fitness, closed, ninety percent of the morning crew was well over 60. One of the elders, Robin Martinez, was 90 and well past using most of the machines. She could still plod along slowly on the treadmill, however, and palaver with whoever was about, sort of the grande dame of the operation. The cast of characters there all knew one another and fretted when someone didn’t show up for a couple of sessions. There was more conversation than there was exercising, but the fraternity cured a lot of ills.
Renee moved to Ocala from Michigan recently after her husband died. “At first, it was awful. I didn’t know anybody here and I was terribly lonely. I cried myself to sleep some nights. Then I decided to become a volunteer at the hospital. It was scary with the Covid and all, but they really needed the help. After a few weeks, I made some friends there. We’d go lunch to fairly often and after awhile I felt like I belonged to something. I still get lonely now and then but at least I have my anchor.”
And then, of course, there’s Facebook.
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| Bob Follett shooting it up in Oakland |
Facebook Friends
People like to whine about Facebook. “Mark Zuckerberg makes too much money.” “They put me in FB jail because I called Ted Cruz a ringtailed motherf**er.” “The Russians manipulated it to get Donald Trump elected.” Fine, but people make money because they provide a service or a product. The better the service, the more the money rolls in. Bruce Springsteen makes too much money and we think he deserves twice as much. Ben & Jerry make too much money but are nonetheless beloved for Pfish Food and Cherry Garcia. Bernie Sanders is a millionaire but a certified man of the people.
As for censorship, The Flying Pie has published many a chippy piece in 11 years with never so much as a time out or a “Go to your room!” Requiring a little civility of language is not an outrageous demand. Noone on FB is prevented from making whatever bizarre argument he chooses short of urging the drawing and quartering of the girls at the nunnery. And we don’t know if you’ve been paying close attention, but those addled souls addicted to Trump don’t look like they’ve been doing too much reading.
Bob Follett, who lives alone, walks the streets of Oakland, camera at the ready, looking for a shot that needs shooting. Chuck LeMasters, home alone with Timmy the Wonder Dog, is creating a new kind of Spin-Art. Nancy Kay, alone and almost narcoleptic, is looking for a ride to the beach. None of them are mad at Facebook. These and thousands more may be flying solo but they are not alone alone. They share their wealth with a coterie of Facebook Friends, a group of their choosing which they can whittle or prune or invite others into, a virtual neighborhood which polices itself, looks after needy neighbors, commiserates and congratulates. And sometimes sings. “When I find myself in times of troubles, Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom….let it be.”
So the next time you see Mark Zuckerberg, remember all this and do us a favor. Don’t call him a ringtailed motherfu**er.
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| Harry & Diane in idyllic times. |
Home Alone
Harry Edwards of Austin, Texas is one of our favorite people. We have never met Harry in person, though we’ve shared similar experiences and know many of the same characters who dot the landscape of Edwardsville. We first ran across Harry on Facebook, where he operates an intelligent and colorful page celebrating natural beauty, all varieties of music, the idiosyncrasies of Texas living and an unexplainable bent toward the American wolf. It makes you want to watch that old Kevin Costner movie all over again.
For over 30 years, Harry has shared his life with the lovely and talented Diane, who likes to sit quietly in the background while Harry does his Facebook tricks. Nobody really knows what someone else’s marriage is like on the inside but from here it looked like a match made in Romanceland. We were thrilled once when Diane rose from her seat and asked for a campaign shirt from the Bill Killeen presidential extravaganza, a gift which was dispatched forthwith. Then one day, Diane was gone, drifting into the cosmos on an unexpected zephyr. She left with no warning, no words of farewell. And probably a little pissed about not having the opportunity to leave a decent note.
Harry’s legion of friends, Facebook and non, held their collective breath waiting to see what such a crushing blow would do to their hero. Indeed, what would most of us do in his stead after wrecking the kitchen, lighting fire to the house and marching off to join the French Foreign Legion? The answer was blowing in the wind.
Miraculously, Harry survives today. He never missed a beat in attending to his Facebook neighbors, refused to walk down Maudlin Street and stoically adhered to his lifetime motto, “Onward through the fog!” All of us are sad, but proud. The time he has spent attending to his FB orchard has borne fruit, he has accumulated a solid cadre of caring friends and neighbors, separated by miles, of course, but with Harry in spirit.
Home Alone, thank the Fates, is not what it used to be.
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| Thacker (r) and friend, doing The Anaconda |
Snakebit
Animal impresario Will Thacker should be dead himself, of course. The onetime ringmaster of Gainesville’s Underground Zoo has been nipped by snakes, chased by sharks, stepped on by elephants and laughed at by hyenas, but he takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’. His female retinue has not been so lucky. His wife, Deborah Coughlin, left this mortal coil in 2018, though their marriage ended earlier. Almost two years ago, his old high school prom date, Pamela Lawrence, finally found him. “I’ve been looking for you most of my life,” she said, suggesting that they get back together. They did, and bliss reigned until just before Christmas, when Pam began feeling faint and lay down on their bed. “I watched the life go out of her eyes,” Bill said. Not an experience to be wished on anyone. Some people might head for the roof, but Thacker is tougher than some people. Instead, he’s preparing a blog of his own.
“I’ve spent a lifetime on animal extravaganzas of one kind or another. Been everywhere, even the Amazon. There’s not much about critters I don’t know. I’ve also been around many animal icons like Marlin Perkins who shared their vast stores of knowledge with me. I have stories to tell, adventures to recall. I’m alone now and sure, I’m a little sad but I’ve found Facebook and reconnected with many old friends. Life goes on and I figure I’ll go on with it.”
Home alone or not, everyone has a choice. Let the tide take you under or hitch your wagon to an idea, a project, a pet, a vague faith that an invisible door will someday open to a land of milk and honey.
Hey, it worked for Paul Cezanne and Grandma Moses.
That’s all, folks….
