Yoga. Like Chicken Man, it’s everywhere. You can do it in planes, trains and automobiles, on top of Old Smokey, down in the valley, the valley so low. If you’d like supervision, there are studios on every block of any big city, in all respectable resorts, on ocean cruises, at the Ladies Auxiliary, in the back room of the Boomarang Diner in Enid, Oklahoma. Young man, there’s no need to feel down, it’s fun to splay at the YMCA.
Once, not long ago, yoga was the exclusive province of ascetics and Hindu weirdos. Miss California was not practicing poses on the beach at Malibu. Yoga mats were not loss leaders at Macy’s. Nobody, but nobody, wore yoga pants. Then one day, Froggy plunked his Magic Twanger and the crowd went wild. The Yoga Journal (you just knew there’d be one) reports that the number of Americans doing yoga grew by over 50% from 2012 to 2016 to over 36 million people as of 2016, up from 20.4 million in 2012. That’s not soggy gingerbread, folks. In addition, nine out of ten Americans have heard of yoga, one in three has tried it and more than 20% have done yoga in the last six months.
In minuscule Fairfield, Florida, research scientist Siobhan Ellison set up basic yoga classes for her employees at Pathogenes, Inc. to improve their health and wellbeing. When the inside studio eventually became too small, she erected a primitive collection of pallets outside and each Tuesday afternoon Jane the Mobile Yoga Crane* motors over in her snazzy Mantramobile to give instructions. Siobhan is an equal-opportunity yoga provider, however. She is now offering her services to people she meets in line at the Publix or local itinerant tradesmen who accidentally wander down her driveway. The cast of characters has ballooned up to six, which even includes blog writers. Jane, a kind and flexible woman, is patient and understanding, unlike a few Yoga Nazis in our experience. If you err, she will not rush up, point a finger and scream “No more yoga for YOU, Buster!”
Almost everyone is welcome to join this coterie of amateurs, just bring a mat and a blanket to lay it on. We say “almost” because Siobhan does not accept vulgarians, showoffs, turkey hunters or folks who wear “Make Fairfield Great Again” hats, obviously nonpractitioners of The Yoga Way. We’ll see the rest of you on Tuesday at four. Until then, Om or Namaste. I can never remember which is which.
*(Siobhan is gravely concerned that Jane will be offended by her new nickname. We would like to point out that “crane” is vastly different from the worrisome “crone,” which we seldom apply to anyone. A crane is a graceful bird which has no trouble standing for long periods on one leg (not unlike Jane) and flies through the sky making strange whooping noises (not like Jane except on Saturday nights.)
A Brief History Of Yoga (though perhaps not as brief as you’d like)
There are two schools of thought. Some people think yoga was invented in the Bronx, N.Y., in 1946 by Yogi Berra. The rest will tell you it was developed by the Indus-Sarasvati people on a slow day in Northern India over 5000 years ago. The word yoga was first mentioned in the oldest sacred texts, the Rig Veda. The Vedas were a collection of texts containing songs, mantras and rituals to be used by Brahmans, the Vedic priests.
Yoga was slowly refined and developed by the Brahmans and Rishis, a group of mystic seers, who documented their practices and beliefs in the Upanishads, an enormous work containing over 200 scriptures. The most renowned of the yogic scriptures is the Bhagavad-Gita, composed around 500 B.C. The Upanishads took the idea of ritual sacrifice from the Vedas and internalized it, teaching the sacrifice of the ego through self-knowledge, action (karma yoga) and wisdom (jnana yoga).
In the 1800s and early 1900s, yoga masters began to travel to the West, attracting attention and followers. This began at the 1893 Parliament of Religions in Chicago when Swami Vivekananda wowed the crowd with his lectures on yoga and the universality of the world’s religions. In the 1920s and 30s, Hatha Yoga was strongly promoted in India with the work of T. Krishnamacharya, Swami Sivananda and several others. Krishnamacharya opened the first Hatha Yoga school in Mysore, India in 1924 and in 1936 Sivananda founded the Divine Life society on the banks of the holy Ganges River.
The importance of yoga to the West continued at a trickle until Indra Devi opened her studio in Hollywood in 1947. Since then, many more western and Indian teachers have become pioneers, popularizing Hatha Yoga and gaining millions of followers. Hatha Yoga now has tons of different schools or styles, all emphasizing the many different aspects of the practice. There are so many different aspects of yoga it boggles the untrained mind. For masochists, for instance, there is Hot Yoga, practiced in superheated salons by swami svengalis. It’s only reasonable to assume there may also be Cold Yoga, practiced by Eskimos in igloos. We know for a fact there is Goat Yoga, practiced on mountaintops by nincompoops. To aid the neophyte student of the art, it’s only fair we present a list of the options. Take it or leave it.
The Eight Types Of Hatha Yoga
1. Ashtanga. Founded by the inimitable K. Pattabi Jois, Ashtanga Yoga is a physically demanding practice (oh-oh) centering around a series of sequenced poses performed in the same order in each class. It starts with five rounds of Sun Salutation A (see Art Carney: “Hel-LO, Sun!”) and then five rounds of Sun Salutation B, before moving on to a series of standing, seated and finishing postures. Not for beginners.
2. Bikram. Forewarned is forearmed. Bring your bikini to this one, the studio is heated to 105 degrees with 40% humidity. During your 90-minute class, you will practice a set series of 26 poses—like balancing stick pose and locust pose—and two breathing excercises, which founder Bikram Choudhury believes systematically moves oxygenated blood through the body. Then they hose you off and give you lemonade.
3. Hot Yoga. This one is for maverick instructors who think Bikram might not have been tough enough. The temperatures are arbitrary but usually hotter than Choudhury ordained. The idea seems to be that the added heat will allow the student to move deeper into a stretch, maybe too deep. Keep a gallon of water on hand and 9-1-1 on your speed-dial.
4. Iyengar. Precise attention to alignment in each posture is the focus of Iyengar Yoga, which was founded logically enough by B.K.S. Iyengar. You’ll use a lot of props, including blocks, blankets, straps, folding chairs and even a ropes wall to help find the proper alignment in each pose. Jane The Yoga Crane adheres to much of the above thinking, being a devotee of the any old port in a storm philosophy.
5. Kundalini. If you’re looking for a more spiritual and energy-based practice, you might try Kundalini Yoga, founded by the the clever Yogi Bhajan. Kundalini consists of kriyas, which are repetitive exercises combined with intense breathing that can be physically demanding and energizing. Through movement, breath and sound (chanting), you will start to stimulate and release untapped energy up your spine and through your energy centers, which are also known as chakras. That’s the plan, anyway.
6. Restorative. Like Iyengar, Restorative Yoga classes are prop-heavy. But unlike Iyengar, the focus is on deep rest and relaxation (we’re beginning to like this one). While you only move through five or six poses during the hour or more class, you’ll hold each pose for five minutes while fully supported by props. Research from the University of California at San Francisco has shown that Restorative Yoga can decrease levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) in the body and perceptions of stress. To quote the old song, “Yes sir, that’s my baby!”
7. Vinyasa. Vinyasa is a dynamic style of yoga in which you link breath and movement and move from one posture to the next, often to a beat-heavy playlist. Typically, you won’t linger in poses for more than a handful of breaths, and because you’ll move quickly through sequences of standing and balancing poses, expect your internal thermostat to rise. Maybe a lot. This vigorous, athletic practice with classes from 60-90 minutes long is derived from Ashtanga Yoga and builds strength, stamina and flexibility if you don’t die first.
8. Yin. Like Restorative Yoga, Yin Yoga, which typically consists of seated poses and poses on your back, incorporates props. Poses are held for several minutes without flexing or tensing muscles and the meditative practice aims to restore length and elasticity to your connective tissue and fascia. Don’t be confused by the names of Yin Yoga poses, which are different from what you’ll hear in other yoga classes. For example, pigeon is known as sleeping swan in Yin Yoga and upavistha konsana is known as dragonfly. Always embarrassing when you screw that up.
There’ll Be A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight (One man’s experience with Hot Yoga. We’ll call him Ishmael.)
“I open the door to the yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and brimstone. I take a spot in the back of the room and make small talk with a cute blonde nearby. She ignores me, perhaps because I need to lose 30 pounds. In seconds, a sweat mustache forms on my upper lip.
The instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class at the exact moment I am aggressively adjusting my penis and testes in my Underarmor. It is now 95 degrees in the room and rising fast.
We begin practicing deep breathing exercises. This goes on for eight minutes, which would be fine if we were breathing actual oxygen instead of body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. The temperature soars to 100 degrees and the humidity is 90%. The once cute blonde appears nauseated. I suddenly realize I forgot to brush my teeth before class.
It is now 110 degrees with 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the first. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. An overweight Hispanic man two spots over has excessive sweat running down his legs—at least I hope it’s sweat. The blonde looks slightly weathered and her eyeliner is streaming down her face.
You won’t believe this but it’s now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. Eggs would boil on the floor. There is not one square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I could be a sea lion or an eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see. If anyone in this room farts, I fear we shall all perish.
The room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos, yet there is no food in the room. I realize this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140-degree space for the last 55 minutes. Now, it’s 150 and cloudy. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up attempting any of the commands our Chinese leader is yelling at us. I will lie sedentary until the first aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and have it destroyed. I lose consciousness.”
Ishmael sounds like a softie to us.
Om Is Where The Heart Is
There is Yoga and there is glorified stretching and there are various combinations of both. Yoga is based upon a profound philosophy of life and consciousness, it is not a system of mere practices devoid of any theoretical background. The philosophy of yoga is a significant one, it has stood the test of time and is for many adherents the subject for a lifetime of study and contemplation.
To practice yoga at a deeper level, it is necessary to have a yogic view of life. In the West, people tend to be practical, suspicious of theories and ideologies, more likely to start practicing certain elements of yoga than actually studying it. Serious yoga practitioners, however, will tell you that performing chemistry experiments by mixing chemical compounds at will without having studied the background of chemistry, might cause an explosion. Similarly, one needs an understanding of yoga philosophy in order to practice yoga effectively and without causing damage by doing it the wrong way. While theory without practice cannot take us very far, practice without theory has its limitations as well.
When we speak of the philosophy of yoga, we are not referring to any mere intellectual, academic or speculative discipline. Yoga philosophy illustrates a means of understanding the world and ourselves within our own awareness. Yoga philosophy is a practical philosophy of self-observation and inner inquiry learned through its application in our daily lives. Then again, some girls just wanna have fun.
Karen Cohen, a master yoga instructor from Lexington, Virginia, holds the highest designation in the national Yoga Teachers’ Registry maintained by the Yoga Alliance, an industry organization. Her credentials notwithstanding, she rejects the overly serious yoga approach. Karen’s philosophy is a good place to finish:
“The ability to cultivate joy and lightness in our lives is one of the principal aims of true yoga….the bringing of opposing qualities into a productive harmony. Our desire to do our best, our concentrated effort—abhyasa—needs to be balanced with the letting go of perfectionism, being happy with what ‘is’: vairagya. Most classes seem to be too heavy on the abhyasa and not focused enough on the vairagya, which leads to self-acceptance, more fun and peace. Laughing is healthy. Joy is healthy. A bit of goofy is good. Seeing and experiencing the humor in tough situations—that is yoga. Yoga, the true yoga, the kind of yoga I want to teach and practice, teaches us to enjoy and embrace paradox.”
So, as it should be, to each his own. You can immerse yourselves in the depths of yogic thought, rigorously adhere to its principles or merely benefit from its peripheral benefits. It’s all good. Even a little bit of yoga will improve your attitude, make you healthier and keep you off the streets. And if you’re a male sexist pig—and who isn’t—you’ll love the yoga pants.
Namaste, y’all.
The Fairfield Four: Fogies just wanna have fun.
