“I say it is impossible that so sensible a people as the citizens of Paris should have lived so long by the smoky, unwholesome and enormously expensive light of candles if they had really known that they might have had as much pure light of the sun for nothing.”---Benjamin Franklin
Daylight Saving Time finally returns to us this Sunday, and not a moment too soon. If there’s one thing this country needs, it’s more sunshine, more light, more optimism during the critical hours. And if you happen to be one of those cranky old farts who disagrees with me on the subject, consider this: the State of Texas is giving serious consideration to eliminating Daylight Saving Time entirely. During my 76 years of trekking the Earth, I have not known the State of Texas to be right about one single thing and doing the opposite of whatever Texas suggests will probably lead to prosperity. Benjamin Franklin agrees with me. Who are you going to listen to, Ben and me or a bunch of spot-tailed earless lizards spawned in the Lone Star State, progenitor of the likes of balloon-head Rick Perry, the current Secretary of No Energy and Smilin’ Ted Cruz, the face of High-Vacuum Grease? Yeah, I thought so.
If a few grouchy and misdirected geezers frown on DST, young people love it. When we were kids, we couldn’t wait for the sudden expansion of play time, which ended apruptly when the streetlights came on. If you weren’t home five minutes after curfew, grandma was bellowing dire threats from her upstairs porch and contemplating severe punishments like no pie for dessert. Oh, the inhumanity!
For us in New England, Daylight Saving Time was the high sign to shovel off the baselines and knock the old horsehide around. We did this until the soggy cover fell off, then added a half-inch of electrical tape to the surface of the ball and continued unabated. Other kids played Ringolevio in the streets, a savage game which takes prisoners who can only be released by determined invading forces. Bruises are inevitable and torn clothes are a distinct possibility. Ringolevio often exceeds even baseball in length, thus making the extra hour of DST invaluable. The girls played the quixotic Red Rover, chanting demands for a particular player to run at the human chain of hand-holding lasses, attempting to break through. Otherwise unathletic girls of hefty composition were highly valued in Red Rover and sprained fingers were the principal collateral damage. This curious business, as far as I was able to discern, could only be curtailed by darkness, gale winds or a national emergency, thus made good use of the extra hour.
Daylight Saving Time provided Delusions of Summer. As soon as the clocks changed, someone invariably thought that March would be a good time to visit the beach, meander across the sand, maybe stick a wary toe in the frigid Atlantic. Howling winds and freezing temperatures were little discouragement to the Promise of Summer, not as long as you had a good heater in your car. You’re only young once, or so we’re told, so make sure you don’t miss experiencing a semblance of nitwit behavior.
For our parents, DST meant Spring Cleaning, a mammoth undertaking involving the beating of rugs, the flipping of mattresses, the inspection of chimneys and the insertion of screens on every window in the house. The men were called into service to move refrigerators, clean rain gutters, inspect and repair furnaces. This was a dangerous time for kids, who, if noticed, might be called upon to render aid. It was a perfect occasion to make sure you had to go over to Marty’s house or help slow-witted Gloria with her homework. The unfortunate child caught unaware and recruited into this Super Bowl of Drudgery never forgot it and immediately swore a blood oath to be better prepared next time.
A Brief History Of Daylight Saving Time
While Benjamin Franklin had lightly broached the subject eons before, DST was not implemented by an entire country until April 20, 1916 in Germany. The rationale was to minimize the use of artificial lighting in order to save fuel for the war effort during World War I. The United Kingdom quickly followed, then France and most of the rest of Europe. After the war, most countries reverted to standard time. It wasn’t until World War II that DST returned to most of Europe. Some cities in Canada, however, decided it might be a good idea even before that. In July, 1908, Port Arthur (now Thunder Bay, Ontario), became the first Canadian city to incorporate Daylight Saving Time. Regina, Saskatchewan, followed in April of 1914. DST became so popular in Regina that it was legalized.
In the United States, so-called “Fast Time” was first introduced in 1918 when President Woodrow Wilson signed it into law to support the war effort during WWI. Only seven months later, it was repealed, though Pittsburgh, Boston and New York continued to use it. In 1942, President Franklin D. Roosevelt instituted year-round DST in the U.S. After the war, from 1945 to 1966, there were no uniform rules for Saving Time in the United States, leaving the states to sort it out. The Uniform Time Act of 1966 was established by Congress to relieve confusion, but states still had the ability to opt out by passing ordinances of exemption.
Daylight Saving Time is now in use in over 70 countries worldwide and affects over a billion people every year. The beginning and end dates vary with the country. In 1996, the European Union standardized an EU-wide DST schedule which runs from the last Sunday in March to the last Sunday in October.
Disa And Data
A man born just after 12:00 a.m. DST circumvented the Vietnam War draft by using a Daylight Saving Time loophole. He argued that standard time, not DST, was the official time for recording births in the state of Delaware in the year of his birth. Under official standard time, he was actually born on the previous day and that day had a much higher draft lottery number, allowing him to avoid the draft. Ring another one up for DST if you will, kind sir.
In September, 1999, the West Bank was on Daylight Saving Time while Israel had just switched back to standard time. West Bank terrorists prepared time bombs and smuggled them to their Israeli counterparts, who misunderstood the time on the bombs. As the bombs were being planted, they exploded one hour too early, killing three terrorists rather than the two busloads of intended victims. How about that, you Texans? DST is an anti-terrorist aid!
Patrons of bars that stay open past two a.m. lose one hour of drinking time on the day when Daylight Saving Time springs forward one hour. This has led to annual problems in numerous locations and sometimes even to riots. At a so-called “time disturbance” in Athens, Ohio, over 1000 Ohio University students and other late night partiers protested the early bar closings with chants of “Freedom!” as they pelted riot police with flying liquor bottles. Okay, so sometimes in life, there are reversals of form.
To keep to their published timetables, trains cannot leave a station before the scheduled hour. Thus, when the clocks fall back one hour in October, all Amtrak trains in the U.S. that are running on time schedules stop at 2:00 a.m. and wait one hour before resuming. Overnight passengers are often surprised to find their trains at a dead stop and their travel time one hour longer than anticipated. At the Spring Daylight Saving Time interval, the trains just keep on going and try to make up the time.
A study by the U.S. Law Enforcement Assistance Administration found that crime was consistently less during periods of Daylight Saving Time than during comparable standard time periods. Data showed violent crime down 10 to 13 percent. Clearly, for most crimes where darkness is a factor, there are many more incidents after dusk than before dawn. Ring the gong one more time for DST, Mr. Moto.
While twins born at 11:55 p.m. and 12:05 may have different birthdays, Daylight Saving Time can actually change the birth order. On paper, at least. During the time change in the Fall, one baby could be born at 1:55 a.m and the sibling ten minutes later, at 1:05 a.m. In the Spring, there is a gap where no babies are born at all between 2:00 and 3:00 a.m.
In November of 2007, Laura Cirioli of North Carolina gave birth to Peter at 1:32 a.m. and Allison 34 minutes later. However, because Daylight Saving Time reverted to standard time at 2:00 a.m., Allison was born at 1:06 a.m. Is this beginning to sound like “I’m My Own Grandpa?”
The Villages Revisited
We got a lot of interest in last week’s column featuring life in The Villages, the Tea Party snake pit just south of here, which seems preoccupied with eldersex. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It just seems so….so….unRepublican. People from all over wrote to ask a covey of questions. Charlie from Reno wants to know how long is the line of applicants waiting to get in? We’re not sure about that, Charlie, but The Villages is now the fastest-growing metropolitan area in the United States, so they’re building like wild men to make room for you. Apparently, sex still sells. Trudy from Schenectady would like to know how Peggy was belly-bumping a 49-year-old guy when the minimum Villages age requirement is 50. Well, Trudy, by U.S. precepts, only 80% of homes in a senior living community can be restricted to people 55 and up, so Peggy’s boy toy was fair game. Athena, from Troy, N.Y.—and yes, we know it should be Helen—wants to know if there are any Democrat communities like The Villages. Not that we know of, Athena. We hate to tell you this, but the two cities with the highest percent of Democrats are Detroit and Gary, Indiana, and there is no sex going on in either one of them. Try Berkeley, the third highest, or its neighbor, Oakland, the fifth, or cross the bridge to San Francisco, the ninth. There’s all sorts of kinky business going on out there. If you’d prefer to stick to the more restrained missionary-position type sex, there’s always Prince George’s County, Maryland. Boston has an extremely large plurality of Democratic Party voters but there is, of course, no sex allowed during Red Sox games.
Cataract Junction
After narrowly avoiding several very thin pedestrians wearing black clothing at night and missing a few interstate exit ramps due to the glare off those giant green signs, your old Uncle Bill has finally yielded to the need for The Knife. Yep, it’s cataract surgery on March 30th, which, as we all know, is a Thursday. The Flying Pie will be published on Wednesday that week and back on Thursday the next, even if I’m blind in one eye, which the opthalmic surgeon promises me has less than a 1% chance of happening. Just in case, however, I have been practicing writing this column with one eye closed and I think I’m slowly improving and might pull it off as long as I don’t run out of Tylenol. Anyway, I have opted for the outrageously expensive premium lenses and the doc tells me I will no longer have to wear glasses after the surgery since the giant price tag also includes astigmatism correction.
I am fairly happy about this, not just for the sake of local bicyclists and small animals, but also because I will now be able to follow the flight of baseballs past the infield and better determine who the hell the quarterback is actually handing the ball off to. I’m pretty sure I’ve been enjoying softball, with its outsized golden sphere, for its own sake and not for the size of its balls, but now we’ll find out for sure. Anyway, light a candle for me. Maybe the cosmic influences will recognize your tribute and take measures to keep my surgeon from drinking heavily the night of March 29. I need all the help I can get.
That’s all, folks….
