For decades, chicken-hearted American politicians have tiptoed around the subject of U.S. rapproachement with Cuba, terrified of incurring the wrath of a small band of grouchy fanatics in Miami who remain constantly high on Mojito Perfectos and never noticed when the twenty-first century slipped through the door. The other day, President Barack Obama said enough of this foolishness, and we’re on his side. In Cuba, after all, there are exotic beaches to explore, premium cigars to investigate and a magnificent fleet of 1950s automobiles to inspect, maybe even a Kelly-green 1953 Buick Special with those fancy portholes on the side. The latter may be asking a lot, of course, since modern-day Cubans seem to prefer painting their refurbished vehicles in subtle hues like Candyapple Red and Creamsicle Orange, sometimes both on the same car. But still.
This spectacular new vacation paradise, as we all know, rests a mere 90 miles from the Florida city of Key West and less than 450 miles, as the flamingo flies, from Bill’s house, the equivalent of a quick airplane hop to Chattanooga. Where do we go to sign up? Will there be ferry service from St. Pete? Are they leaving the light on for us at the Havana Motel 6? Inquiring minds want to know.
Many people alive today know little of Cuba, particularly the Pre-Castro version, which ended with the revolution in 1959. Prior to Fidel, Havana was a glittering, dynamic city. In the early part of the twentieth century, the country’s economy, fueled by the sale of sugar to the United States, had grown enormously. Cuba ranked fifth in the hemisphere in per capita income, third in life expectancy, second in per capita ownership of automobiles and telephones, first in the number of television sets per inhabitant. The literacy rate was 76%, fourth highest in Latin America. Cuba ranked 11th in the world in the number of doctors per capita and many private clinics provided services for the poor. Cuba’s income distribution compared favorably with that of other Latin American societies and a thriving middle class held the promise of prosperity and social mobility.
Havana was also the legendary capital of gangsters, gambling and fungirls, a magnet for the rich and famous in the 30s and 40s, a sunny paradise where Lucky Luciano held court on the wide veranda of the Hotel National. Ernest Hemingway, long a devotee, once wrote “in terms of beauty, only Venice and Paris surpass Havana.” In 1939, the fabulous and world-renowned Tropicana Club opened at Villa Mina, a six-acre suburban estate with lush tropical gardens in Havana’s Marianao neighborhood. The Tropicana, which evolved from a Depression-era brothel called Eden Concert, had an impact in spreading Cuban culture internationally. New York City’s Tropicana was subsequently opened by two Cuban restaurateurs in 1945 and became the most glamorous nightclub in the Bronx. On the I Love Lucy television series, Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz) was a singer and bandleader at a fictional Tropicana in Manhattan. “Those were the days, my friend, we thought they’d never end, we’d sing and dance forever and a day.” So what happened?
Well, out in the shadows, far removed from the glitter and the girls, some Cubans lived in abject poverty. Sugar production was seasonal and the macheteros (cane cutters) worked only four months a year, the rest of the time comprising an army of the unemployed, perpetually in debt and living on the edge. Starvation was a reality for some and health care didn’t reach the bottom levels of Cuban society. Illiteracy was widespread here, with the lowest caste children rarely getting beyond second-grade in school. Racism was also a hefty issue. The island’s private clubs and beaches were segregated, and even President Fulgencio Batista, a mulatto, was denied membership in one of Havana’s most exclusive clubs. Social analyst Mark Falcoff put it this way: “One might best summarize the complex situation by saying that urban Cuba had come to resemble a Southern European country with a standard of living equal to or better than that of France, Spain or Portugal, while rural Cuba replicated the conditions of other plantation societies in Latin America and the Caribbean.”
Batista was duly elected president in 1940, surprising many when he ushered in an era of hope by sponsoring a progressive constitution which even allowed the Cuban Communist Party a voice in the government. He stepped down when his four-year term was over. For the next twelve years, Cuba enjoyed democracy and free elections. Then, in March of 1952, Batista achieved a coup d’etat, destroying the democratic republic he had brought into existence. Writer Carlos Alberto Montaner gave an explanation: “Batista’s coup opened a Pandora’s Box. Institutions no longer mattered. What mattered was audacity, the individual capable of violent action.” That individual turned out to be a daring young lawyer named Fidel Castro. Everybody knows what happened after that.
The Decline
After an unexpectedly easy victory over Batista’s army, Castro settled in the capital and established his version of a Communist state. Meanwhile, over one million Cubans left Dodge for the United States, the overwhelming majority of them flocking to Miami where they created a new homeland, transforming the city into a Latin American bastion which also drew in other Hispanics. The U.S. government, meanwhile, imposed an effective economic and financial embargo on Cuba, which then adopted the Soviet model of development and yoked itself to Russia for aid and economic support, eventually leading to the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962. Just as all of us were making plans as to what region of Mexico we would head for when the bombs started falling, Russian boss Nikita Krushchev decided further shenanigans might be a bad idea and defused the hysterics. While Moscow continued to be supportive of Castro, Russia’s contributions narrowed, causing great hardship for the island. The final collapse of the Soviet Union was a grievous blow. Here are some amazing figures: Cuban per capita income was $1200 in 1959, disappearing to $70 in 2004. Calorie consumption per inhabitant was 2800 in 1959, tumbling to 1100 by 2004. The number of cars per 1000 inhabitants dropped from 38 to 10 during the same period and buses fell from one per 300 inhabitants to one per 25,000. The rate of inflation rose from a wee 1.8% to a staggering 25%. The Cuban peso became virtually the only currency not convertible to any other currency in the world. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration. Give me about six million of ‘em and I’ll trade you a quarter. Viva la revolucion! Indeed.
When Do We Leave?
From digesting the above, one might get the impression a few U.S. tourists might be red-carpet welcome in Havana. But nobody seems to know just how to go about it. Can anybody go? Is it safe? What do we do when we get there? And that’s why we have The Flying Pie, to facilitate these things, to grease the wheels of international travel.
First, ALL Americans are eligible to travel to Cuba, whereas previously only religious, educational and cultural organizations could do so. However, you can’t just call down to Teddy’s Travel Agency and book a flight. You will have to utilize a Cuban travel organization which has an official license from the U.S. State Department, like, for instance, Insight Cuba or Central Holidays. These companies will probably advise you that current tour itineraries are limited to “experiences which bring American and Cuban people together,” not necessarily including scuba diving or trolling the beach. That’s when you ask about “Personal Time,” the unplanned hours in which a wily tourist might slip from his or her hotel to ramble the streets of Havana, checking out the cigar marts or negotiating for a 1954 Ford Fairlane. These trophy cars, you understand, still retain the original shells while underneath the hood, due to the embargo, you might have washing-machine parts. Then again, what do you expect for a lousy $60,000?
The above restrictions, of course, do not apply to travel from foreign countries like the Bahamas, Canada and Mexico, where Cancun is a popular gateway. You can get a Cuban tourist card at airports in these countries, good for a 30-day visit, which is more than you’ll need. Remember—credit or debit cards issued by U.S. banks will not work in Cuba, so take cash or travelers’ checks. Also, if you get in a jam, there is no American Embassy in Cuba, not that they help all that much in Morocco, either. Like most authoritarian countries, Cuba is pretty safe. Foreign tourists are never knocked on the head and held for ransom, although, as always, you have to keep an eye on those hookers, almost none of whom sing in the choir on Sundays.
Is There A Legoland In Havana?
Well, not yet, but you never know. Anyway, theme parks aren’t everything. In Havana, you can stroll—or drive—down The Malecon, an 8km-long sea drive, allegedly the most soulful and quintessentially Cuban of thoroughfares. Or perhaps visit a working tobacco plantation like the Alejandro Robaina fields in the rich Vuelta Abajo region southwest of Pinar del Rio. They don’t have many of these in Vegas.
You may want to visit lively Veradero, known for its sumptuous beaches and raucous nightlife, but also home to 30 dive sites with even more reefs around the Isla de la Juventud—Robert Louis Stevenson’s inspiration for Treasure Island.
Pinar del Rio is arguably Cuba’s most beautiful province, its most outstanding feature being the mogotes, oddly rounded limestone mountains covered in lush vegetation with caves abundant in stalactites, stalagmites and underground rivers.
History buffs might like revolutionary Santa Clara, home of the monument, museum and mausoleum of Che Guevara. Cuba finally got what was left of his body from Bolivia in 1997, thirty years after his capture and execution. In 1959, he and a measly 300 rebels defeated 3000 of Batista’s troops here, leading to the dictator’s flight just days later. Hey, if you can’t win a battle with a 10-1 advantage, it’s time to head for the old folks home to play Parcheesi.
It won’t be long before Cuban travel laws are liberalized and the place is overrun with Ugly Americans, so better get on down there now while the rates are cheap and the old Havana remains intact. You know what happens when everybody starts going. That’s right, there’s a forty-story glass hotel on every corner and you can’t find the beach with a divining rod. The quaintness recedes with the rise in prices and pretty soon Cuba becomes like everyplace else—a theme park full of moronic rides, trinket shops and dangerous food. Traffic jams appear out of nowhere, flights to and fro are overfilled, there’s no room on the beach and—oh, look over there, Dad—It’s a Legoland!
Road To The Derby
Okay, boys and girls, we’re only a month away. The Kentucky Derby beckons, with all its bells and whistles. Bill and Siobhan have no horses in it again this year but we’re not giving up. In 2015, we finally got a horse (Bull Ensign) who can run the last half of the race, now we just have to find one who can do the same thing while also showing up for the first half. It’s not a simple matter, as we have ascertained over the last forty years.
Anyway, they held the Florida Derby at Gulfstream Park in Hallandale last weekend and it was won by a slovenly-named horse called Materiality. They were probably going for “Materialism,” but it was taken and they lazily moved over to the bad synonym booth next door and found the next best thing. We’re just guessing. The actual definition of “materiality” is “the quality or character of being material or composed of matter.” Hmm. That’s just about everything, right? Anyway, it was basically a match-race between the winner and Upstart, who looks like he may want to reconsider the Kentucky distance of 1 1/4 miles since he’s having trouble winning at 1 1/8. There were a few other horses in the race but at the end you couldn’t find them with a search plane. Materiality has only run thrice, having won them all, and his Derby odds just fell through the floor. Whether he’s a match for American Pharaoh or Dortmund remains to be seen but it’s always nice to have a few alternatives. The Wood Memorial in New York is up Saturday, also the Bluegrass at Keeneland. There are decent horses out there still struggling for enough points to run in Kentucky and these two races offer a final shot. Right now, less than ten horses seem viable winners in Louisville with a few relative unknowns rattling around. Next week, we’ll give you up to date odds on the leaders. If you use Flying Pie information to win a big jackpot, you’ll be required to visit Cuba and bring me back one of those green 1953 Buick Specials. Everybody would like to recapture his very own first car.
That’s all, folks….
