Prologue
Well, folks, the heat just went off in here. It made it up to 67 degrees before that happened, though, and, with the added reinforcement of hot coffee, I should make it through the next three hours. It’s 29 outside, by the way, for all of you who are jealous of Floridians. Mr. TV weatherman advises that we are the only state in the country (including Hawaii) that does not have snow on the ground, which is only because we don’t have mountains either.
Progress Report
You’ll all remember that Juno, Elf and Wilson departed about a month ago for training camp. We’re happy to report that all are doing well. Elf (above) was the first one to make it to the track. Juno, a little more nervous by nature, will follow this week. Wilson was a tad lame when we shipped him and got progressively worse for several days. The source of the problem, probably somewhere in the left hind foot, never became apparent and he gradually returned to soundness. The biggest of the three by far, Wilson will be asked to proceed at a slower rate and will, in all likelihood, be the last one to ship to the racetrack. Juno, Elf and Wilson now have real racing names, by the way. They are Cosmic Crown, Ice Elf (what can I tell you, Siobhan wanted “elf” in the name and her mother is Yukon Gold) and Super Chief, in that order. We expect the fillies to race by late June or July. Wilson will tell us when he feels like moving on.
Your Summer Vacation Planner
Alright, enough of this cold weather. We’re getting ready for Summer Vacation plans, as should you be. In which case, we’re here to help. Hopefully, Siobhan and Bill will be going to Glacier National Park in the Great Northwest, but you never know. We don’t know where you’re going but we have some wonderful suggestions. Henceforth:
Massachusetts and New Hampshire
We’re experts on this terrain. Everybody knows about Old Cape Cod, which is fine, but how many people know about Old Cape Ann? Proceeding North out of Boston’s Logan Airport, take US 1, then 1A and eventually Rte. 114 to check out Marblehead (double back to Salem later to visit Witch Country, if you’re so inclined), then pick up Rte. 128 to Gloucester, which used to be a major fishing town. It’s just a short hop to scenic Cape Ann and Rockport, which is very cute and clever and touristy. Almost everyone likes Rockport, with its plethora of tiny shops of every description. There’s even a quaint little restaurant right out on the point. Just guessing, but I imagine they’d have seafood. But I’d wait for the next stop.
From Rockport, proceed along on Rte. 133 to Essex, where you will find Woodman’s Restaurant. These people swear their founder, Lawrence (“Chubby”) Woodman, invented fried clams. I don’t know if you can invent a fried clam but no matter….these things are magnificent and there is nowhere better to enjoy them. If you go to Woodman’s and order something else instead of fried clams (like my friend Torrey Johnson did last year), you will be forever haunted by the fried clam aroma which permeates the restaurant (also like Torrey Johnson is). And then you, like Torrey Johnson, will have to go all the way back there to get the clams.
WARNING: Fried clams are unbelievably rich. Do not eat more than one pint, tops, or you may get mildly ill. Try a half-pint, first time. By the way, it’s not only Bill who likes Woodman’s. Forbes Magazine once called it “The best seafood restaurant in America.” America, fgawdsakes! Big place, that America.
Onward and Upward (it’s still 63 in here)
Alright, moving along. Proceed on to Salisbury Beach, northernmost beach in Massachusetts. We always stop there for a thincrust pizza at the iconic Tripoli Pizza stand before heading north to New Hampshire and Hampton Beach. In the Summer, Hampton is a beehive of activity with its thousands of tourists and temporary residents. The beach, itself, is expansive and clean, there are shops and hotels everywhere, fireworks weekly and the old Hampton Beach Casino, which is emphatically not a casino, brings in name entertainers on weekends.
The drive up the coast from Salisbury to Portsmouth, New Hampshire is one of the Great Drives in America. It’s an exciting, windy trip, mostly in view of the ocean, incredibly scenic as you pass through tiny beachside towns like Rye Beach and Wallis Sands on to Portsmouth. If you want to say you’ve been to Maine, it’s just across the bridge into Kittery.
Other Massachusetts Attractions
Obviously, there’s Cape Cod. Everybody goes to Hyannis and many people proceed on to Nantucket and/or Martha’s Vineyard, both fine places to go. My favorite place on the Cape, though, is Provincetown, all the way out on the tip.
In the Summer (and why would you go any other time?), Provincetown is teeming with activity. There are endless unique shops and restaurants, extremely well-kept Bed & Breakfast operations, at least one and probably more little theaters, whale-watching expeditions, etc. If you are in Boston and have limited time for a visit, consider a 25-minute flight from Logan Airport to Provincetown. A shuttle will take you to town and a car is not necessary (there’s no place to park it, anyway). You can walk the town in a few hours and fly back to Boston in the late afternoon on one of the many convenient flights. I once took my mother on this escapade and she kindly said “This was the best day of my life!” I knew that wasn’t true, of course. After all, what about the day I was born?
Boston and Cambridge (It’s still 63 and Perry the Handyman is on his way)
It’s no fun to drive in Boston. A lot of the streets are one-way and it’s easy to get lost. Better to learn the Subway. If you get lost on there, all you have to do is go back to Park Street Station under the Boston Common. Park Street trains connect with just about all others. And there are subway maps on all the station walls and all the trains, so don’t be afraid. And yes, I know the trains lurch and squeal like crazy but they almost never run into one another.
The Subway also goes across the river to Cambridge, if you want to visit Harvard or MIT. If you do not want to visit these places, I can think of no other reason to go to Cambridge. Also, across the river is the Museum of Science, definitely worth a visit—if just for the scary lightning show.
Everybody likes to walk through Boston Common and the adjoining Public Gardens. You can ride the legendary Swan Boats just to say you did it. The Massachusetts State Capitol is right across the street, if you’d like to witness some graft taking place. Nearby is Newbury Street with some of fancier shopping opportunities in the city. Bring your wallet. One thing you can afford is an iced coffee, none better than the ones made in Boston. Nearby, off Kenmore Square, is the world-famous home of the Red Sox, Fenway Park. In the early evening, the area surrounding the Park is a festival of fans and gawkers. If you have recently received a large inheritance, you might want to purchase a ticket for the game from one of the friendly scalpers. The last one I got cost $130, but it was five rows behind the right-handers’ batter’s box. And the game is a rare experience. The enthusiasm of Boston baseball fans is unequalled.
Another popular place in town is the Quincy market at historic Faneuil Hall. Scores of little wagons unload obscene amounts of tourist trinketry. Inside, however, the aromatic booths offer every food opportunity known to man. Nearby, at the docks, is the Boston Aquarium. The popular Boston Pops Orchestra is out of town in the Summer at Tanglewood in Lenox, in Western Massachusetts. James Taylor will join the orchestra on four occasions this year. Reservations for all performances are a must, as are reservations for hotels in the area. Sharon from the gym wants you all to go to Old Sturbridge Village nearby, but I have no experience with that one, so you’re on your own.
Maine
After your drive along the coast to Portsmouth, pick up I-95 and cross the border into Maine. Even though George H. W. Bush lives there, go first to Kennebunkport, a charming little village on the coast, full of interesting shops and restaurants. You are required to get a lobster roll for lunch here, even if you have to get a bank loan to pay for it. Many people think buying an entire lobster dinner in Maine is a good idea (That’s where they come from, right?), but there is nowhere on this earth more expensive to buy a lobster than Maine. So get one in Massachusetts or New Hampshire, instead. It came from the same place. And, oh yes, don’t forget to drive out to visit George and Barbara. Their house is enormous and there’ll be plenty of room for you and yours. Tell them Bill sent you.
Portland is a surprisingly nice place. Very cultured, art galleries and interesting little shops abound, mainly near the Old Dock area. If you stay in Portland, get a hotel further inland where they’re much cheaper.
Don’t forget to visit Acadia National Park, near Bar Harbor. This is a truly beautiful place right on the ocean. It is the first National Park this side of the Mississippi.
When in Maine, keep your eyes open for Stephen King, he’s everywhere. And when he’s not in Maine, he’s at Fenway Park, so you’ve got two chances.
If you’ve got any questions about these or any other destinations, feel free to write. Torrey called me last year from Maine, about to get on I-95 to drive back to Boston. I sent him back in the reverse order described above and he loved the coastal route. He did make the colossal error of getting an alternate dinner to clams at Woodman’s against my specific advice. And wouldn’t you know it—this year he was forced to have hip and double-knee replacement surgery as a result. Don’t let this happen to you. I’ll be here all week.
Old College Magazine Joke (I’ll bet you’re beginning to worry I’ll soon run out of these)
A fraternity man promised his girl he’d cut down on his drinking. About to receive a visit from her one evening, however, he found himself embarrassingly looped.
“I’ll sit down and read,” he thought. “Whoever heard of a drunk reading a book?”
His girl entered the house and walked into the living room.
“What in the world are you trying to do?” she demanded to know.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “I’m just sitting here, reading.”
“You drunken BUM!” she yelled, fitfully. “Close that suitcase and get the hell out of here!”
That’s all, folks. It’s still 62. We’re drinking hot tea. Hurry up, Perry.
