Thursday, January 10, 2019

Good News!

SunnyDay

“It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way

If we keep on the sunny side of life.”

---The Carter Family/Ada Blenkhorn


Ada is not telling us we can’t Speak Truth To Power, storm the barricades every so often or throw waterballoons at Ted Yoho, just that we’re better off doing it with a smile on our faces and joy in our hearts.  If the smile looks more like that of The Joker than Mary Poppins, so be it.  Sure, we’re all mired in the dreadful muck of the Trump swamp, but thrashing around in it will only get you deeper.  Better to just float through the quicksand and paddle to shore.

Often, in times like these, it seems there is no escape from Bad News.  The Nude Emperor is running amuck, dropping bombs in Yugoslavia, dropping trou in Times Square, cuddling up with the Russians in some Black Sea love nest, selling off the Grand Canyon to Universal International.  It’s like the evil Superman showed up and nobody can find the Kryptonite.  A citizen subject to angst could find himself camping out with his psychiatrist, developing yaws, checking the real estate in the Pitcairn Islands.

But when you’re weary and feeling small, when tears are in your eyes, we’ll dry them all.  Like a bridge over troubled water, we’ll be around.  Buried deep beneath the Republican landfill, there is Good News to be found if only someone will commence digging.  And that someone would be us.


vaccine

Double Shot Of My Baby’s Love

“She loved me so long, she loved me so hard, I finally passed out in her front yard.”---Smith & Vetter

Okay, we’re out of that stuff but we have the next best thing, courtesy of Rutgers, otherwise known as the State University of New Jersey.  How about a vaccine against aging?  We’re not making this stuff up.  Those busy little beavers over in beautiful Newark have been hard at it, brewing up their magic potion.  Professor of the Department of Microbiology, Biochemistry and Molecular Genetics at the Rutgers New Jersey Medical School, Dr. Hua Zhu and his faithful Indian companion postdoc (Abba) Dabbu Jaijyan are attempting to defy and reverse the biological aging process by developing a therapeutic tool that would bolster essential repair and regeneration processes of the cell.

All complex organisms accumulate damage at a cellular level over time, much of which is mitigated or repaired by the body’s own repair and regeneration processes.  Eventually, however, one or more of these processes fail and the organism suffers from systematic degradation.  This is known as the biological aging process and it is the root cause of most non-communicable chronic diseases, including cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, cancer, chronic kidney diseases and dementia, most of the heavyweights.

Zhu says, “The proposed research has great implication for people and governments all over the world seeking a cost-effective preventative solution for all the major diseases of aging.  If our project succeeds, it could lead to clinical trials to test the therapeutic potential of recombinant virus expressing multiple anti-aging factors.”

Funded by an outfit called BioViva USA, the research team is developing a recombinant mouse cytomegalovirus (R-MCMV) to express several anti-aging and regenerative factors.  Short term, the aim is to extend the lifespan of primary human cells and organoids, as well as those of aged mice.  The long-term goal is to establish a platform for clinical trial studies using a novel human cytomegalovirus (HCMV) as a vector and to develop a multi-gene therapeutic aging vaccine.  BioViva has already applied for the patent and will begin developing this next-generation vaccine to target various aspects of aging.

In his laboratory, Zhu studies two herpes viruses, human cytomegalovirus (HCMV) and Varicella-Zoster virus (VZV) with the goal of understanding the pathogenesis of the two.  Specifically, how these viruses interact with host cells, replicate and cause disease.  According to Zhu, CMV has proven safe and can be used for clinical studies in humans.  His research has focused on developing vaccines for various human diseases.  The lab has established a platform for expressing a gene which could prevent or reduce the outcome of a disease.

Elisabeth Parrish, CEO of BioViva USA, states “This research is poised to develop a new class of vaccines and redesign how we treat aging, making it easier for people to stay healthy longer.  Over 100,000 people die of aging every day, and hundreds of millions suffer from chronic disease.  This vaccine has the potential to forge a better way forward with less suffering.”

Let’s hope Dr. Zhu and his compadres don’t dally.  The bus is already on the way for some of us in Codgerland.

 

Duracreteslug

Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch….

The other cowpokes have been equally busy.  Among the leading breakthroughs in the past twelve months, we have good news on the regenerating body parts front.  Ohio State University researchers have developed a new technology called tissue nanotransfection (TNT Technology).  Cute.  This technology is embedded in a tiny chip and can reprogram skin cells to repair organs and blood vessels.  The noninvasive procedure involves placing a postage-stamp-size chip on the skin and sending a small electric current through it.  The process delivers DNA vectors into the body in less than a second.  Clinical trials have already begun.

Pending FDA clearance, and they have been known to dawdle, consumers will soon be able to get EKGs by simply placing a finger on the band of an Apple Watch.  AliveCor, which produces the monitors, is also collaborating with the Mayo Clinic to develop an artificial intelligence system that can predict from an ECG if a patient has too much or too little potassium in the blood and is at risk for sudden death.  Keep a banana handy at all times.

Usually, by the time pancreatic cancer is detected, the tumors have spread and the diagnosis is lethal.  By reverse engineering late-stage cancer cells to their stem-cell state, researchers have identified two key proteins that appear in the blood of patients when they develop the disease.  The test could be ready for use within a few years.

You’re not going to believe this but there are people in this world who startle slugs for a living.  We’re not sure whether they pop balloons or show the slugs old Duck Dynasty videos, but the idea is to get the critters to secrete mucus for scientists to study.  The results have been good.  Researchers now have developed a new superglue to be used as an alternative to surgical stitches and staples.  The hydrogel is made of biomaterials that replicate slug mucus and is strong, non-toxic, flexible and able to stick to wet surfaces, even those covered in blood.  Scientists are now at work to make the stuff biodegradable so that it will dissolve after use.  We would like to report this very good news on the surprising usefulness of slugs to Sister Louise Clara, who gave many of us the title in grade school back at St. Patrick’s.


brainpacemaker

Brain Ticklers

Our boys at the Cleveland Clinic haven’t been fooling around, either.  Researchers there have recently conducted the first-ever deep brain stimulation therapy on a stroke patient, who regained much more of her motor function than originally expected.  The patient continues to improve.  There are strong indications that this therapy will be useful in helping people recover physical function after a stroke leaves them paralyzed or faced with other disabilities.  Deep brain stimulation has been used with Parkinson’s patients and fosters new neural connections and can improve plasticity in the brains of stroke parients.  It may also boost the effects of standard physical therapy.  Doctors, however, ruefully admitted it had absolutely no beneficial effects on Vice-President Mike Pence.


diabetescontact

Can You See Me Now? 

Researchers have developed transparent sensors that can turn contact lenses into sophisticated health monitors.  They believe they can integrate more than 100 sensors into the lenses.  Blood glucose monitoring through contacts could help people with diabetes who must repeatedly stick their fingers to track blood sugar.  The contacts might even be able to detect cancer early, check stress hormones or even improve athletic performance.  Oh-oh. 

London researchers have found that small amounts of tiedglusib, an Alzheimer’s drug, promotes the growth of dentin, the material under your enamel that can repair teeth and jump-start tooth regeneration.  Teeth could repair themselves naturally, using stem-cells to stimulate the growth of dental tissue.  Dental fillings might become obsolete.  English dentists were initially wracked with anguish at this news before discovering most clients came back for the nitrous oxide.

And finally, the Mayo Clinic is working to understand how subtle voice characteristics can detect physical and mental illnesses.  A study there found more than a dozen voice features associated with heart disease, including one associated with a 19-fold higher likelihood of heart ailments.  Scientists are now working on the means to detect depression.  Subtle changes in how we sound can be measured to reflect the underlying health of the nervous, muscle and respiratory systems.  Voice analysis along with the use of digital assistants could alert doctors that a patient’s voice shows early signs of a problem.  You could really drive them crazy if you went there right from the nitrous oxide dentist.


Herald Cay Hermit III

More Good News

Sarah Porter is traveling the length and breadth of the Northeast rescuing beleaguered hermit crabs.  See a crab in trouble?  Call Sarah, now the proud parent of over 30 of the varmints from New York, Connecticut and New Jersey.  Some of the wee crustaceans were found abandoned on the beach, others relinquished by reluctant pet owners.  “It may look kind of silly in the cosmic scheme of things,” says Sarah, “but it feels good to know that they’re comfortable and satisfied as a crab can be.”  In case you’re wondering, Ms. Porter feeds her pets veggies and watermelon.  Visitors allege the crabs are… (wait for it)… happy as clams.

A would-be kidnapper got more than he bargained for while attempting to snatch a young woman off a North Carolina street.  Randall Ephraim said that he was tidying up the studio at the Bushiken Karate Charlotte Dojo when a lady rushed into the building claiming someone was chasing her.  “Right after that, a very big guy ran in and said he was there for the woman, who he had apparently just tried to force into his car.”  Ephraim asked the man to leave but he began aggressively swinging his way further into the dojo.  Randall says the perp was “dealt with accordingly.”  When the cops arrived to take the offender into custory, they had to call for a stretcher to haul the assailant off to jail.  “Who the hell WAS that masked man,” asked the criminal, ogling a shiny silver bullet.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police of Surrey, British Columbia were all set for drunken revelers this New Year’s Eve.  They had road blocks set up all across the second-largest city in BC, home to half-a-million residents, and breathalyzed hundreds of drivers with unusual results.  Not a one of them was inebriated.  That’s right, none.  Zippo.  Nary a soul.  Either the machines weren’t working, the liquor was seriously watered down or the citizens had been very good boys and girls.  Surrey RCMP spokesman Chad Grieg admitted he was “happily amazed.”  Surprisingly, alcohol use has also taken a significant dip in the United States.  According to the Foundation for Advancing Alcohol Responsibility, education efforts and outreach programs have led to a drop in impaired driving over the last two decades.  The AFAAR website claims “During this time, drunk driving fatalities have declined 31%, and among those under 21 the number is 65%.  Underage drinking among the nation’s youth has continued to decline…53% since 1991.”  The Royal Canadian Mounted Police admitted they do not as yet have breathalyzers for marijuana.

Mark Rober was plenty annoyed to discover that local thieves had stolen a package from his front porch.  He was even testier when police ignored his security footage of the incident, alleging the theft was “not worth looking into.”  The ex-NASA engineer felt “violated and powerless,” and resolved to take revenge.  He created an ingenious contraption that resembled an Apple Homepod delivery, with one little exception.  When the thieves removed the exterior packaging, the motion set off a device fitted with a fan mechanism that sprayed a vast abundance of glitter around the radius of the package.  As if that weren’t enough, another of Rober’s gadgets expelled a violent “fart bomb.”  Finally, Mark fitted the package with several cameras and GPS tracking so he could film the reactions of the crooks and then recover his device when the disgusted robbers threw it from their vehicle.  So far, packages have been stolen by three different people.  Rober calls the results “particularly satisfying.”  He’s working on sticky glitter for next time.

The realm of athletics also has some good news.  Kansas State University basketball officials report that 2019-2020 recruit Goodnews Kpegeol will enroll at KSU early and will join coach Bruce Weber’s squad immediately.  This lends a whole new meaning to the phrase, “We have Goodnews….” 


chocolateSpill

Return Of The Blob

Albeit a sweeter one than last time.  The German town of Werl was all awhirl recently when one ton of liquid chocolate seeped out of a factory and onto the streets of the town.  Those careless chocolatiers at the DreiMeister candy factory became preoccupied in a contentious game of Doppelkopf and forgot to monitor the storage tank, which, alas, drastically overflowed.  This is known in Germany as “zu viel des guten” (too much of a good thing).

The molten chocolate oozed through the factory gates, froze on the cold pavement and left local firefighters with one big grobe katastrophe.  There was at least a ton of the stuff according to spokesmen for the Werl Fire Brigade.  A ten-square-meter choco-pancake formed, leaving firefighters with no choice but to break out their tools, chop it up and cart the sweet stuff off in vats.  If you know any chocolate fanciers who aren’t too fussy, just send them by fire headquarters with a large bucket and a donation of wienerschnitzel.


That’s all, folks….

bill.killeen094@gmail.com