Nobody likes bad news, except maybe CNN. Bad news stirs up your hormones, sparks neurotransmitters, changes your mood to inky, spawns stress, anxiety and depression, makes you kick the dog. And there’s no end to it---crackpots shooting up the A&P, lunatics bombing the washateria, megalomaniacs firing off errant missiles, movie producers whipping it out in front of terrified starlets. It’s enough to make a grown man cry, as Dagwood Bumstead used to say.
“Negative news can significantly change an individual’s mood,” alleges British psychologist Graham Davey, who specializes in the psychological effects of media violence. “Especially if there is a tendency in the news broadcasts to emphasize suffering and also the emotional components of the story. In particular, negative news can affect your own personal worries. Viewing negative news means you’re more likely to see your own personal worries as more threatening and severe, and when you do start worrying you’re more likely to find your worry difficult to control and more distressing than it would normally be. These news images change our overall mood to a more negative one---more sad or anxious---and it is this change in mood that leads to psychological changes in the way we attend to things around us. We are more likely to pick out things in our own environments that are potentially negative or threatening. This can start a vicious cycle effect on mood generally for some time.”
You can stop watching television, of course, but then the Bad News will sneak in on your Facebook news feed or slap you in the face on your way to the New York Times crossword puzzle. Like Chickenman, it’s everywhere. Periodically, we at The Flying Pie take it upon ourselves to counter this deluge with sudden bursts of Good News. Just as Bad News can rattle those neurotransmitters, Good News can put a smile on their tinny little faces, slap some aftershave lotion on their cheeks, inject a little expresso into their thirsty veins and leave them singing Happy Days Are Here Again as they march two abreast out into the sunlight. Oh, the things we do for love.
“I was born the next of kin, the next of kin to the wayward wind…”
The Envelope, Please….
Those merry men of mirth in China have launched over 8000 water clean-up projects just in the first half of 2017, with a projected total investment of 667.4 billion yuan, whatever that is. The projects were devised as a part of a 2015 action plan to treat and prevent water pollution and cover 325 of the 343 contaminated surface water sites across the country. Additionally, 1762 Chinese companies are now using clean production methods to prevent water pollution, roughly 85% of those needing to make the transformation. Plans are underway to make significant improvements in China’s major waterways, drastically reducing untreated wastewater from highly polluting sectors like mining, steelmaking, textiles, printing and oil refining.
The prime minister of India has just unveiled an ambitious plan to electrify every household in the country by the end of 2018. The $2.5 billion project will provide electricity to the 40 million Indian households currently without power. Prime Minister Narenda Modi says he plans on electrifying lower-income households free of charge, with funding coming from the federal government. Costs for actual use of electricity will be the responsibility of the homeowners. Also, the country plans on electrifying more remote villages and structures by using power packs and battery banks. Though India currently generates most of its power through coal-powered plants, the country has been making great strides in implementing more environmentally friendly initiatives. The largest democracy in the world has approved the construction of 10 new heavy water nuclear power plants to offer a much cleaner form of energy.
Inspired by the formidable oil and gas rigs which can weather the strongest storms, a flotilla of wind turbines is being assembled in deep waters off the northeastern coast of Scotland. Destined to become the first floating wind farm in the world, two of the five turbines have just been moved into place by the Norwegian alternative energy company Statoil. The turbines, stationed 15 miles offshore, are not only designed to withstand gale force winds but their placement will avoid the visual impact of land-based wind farms which often repel community support along coastal areas. The five turbines that will power the Peterhead Wind Farm will soar overhead at 575 feet atop a flotation device with a depth of 229 feet. The farm will power over 200,000 Scottish homes and innumerable electric bagpipes.
Those Chinese are busy little beavers. A China-made tram powered by hydrogen fuel cells was put into commercial use in late October in Tangshan, North China’s Hebei Province. It is the first commercial hydrogen-powered tram in the world, manufactured by China Railway Rolling corporation. With water being the only emission, the tram emits no pollutants. No nitrogen oxides will be produced as the temperatures of the reaction inside hydrogen fuel cells is controlled under 100 degrees Celsius. The tram can be refilled with hydrogen in 15 minutes and can run for 40 kilometers at a maximum speed of 70 km per hour, though future models may be faster. It operates on a 136-year-old railway in Tangshan city, one of China’s earliest industrial areas and links several of its industrial heritage sites.
“Come tiptoe through the tulips with me….”
Perfect For Those Warm San Franciscan Nights
Ayahuasca, a psychedelic traditionally brewed in South America, has shown in a recent study to improve a person’s sense of wellbeing and may offer treatment for alcoholism and depression. According to a team from Exeter University and University College London, the Amazonian brew contains dimethyltryptamine (DMT), a psychedelic drug illegal in the United States and the United Kingdom, which can improve one’s sense of wellbeing and fight off depression (“Johnny, bring me the Ayahuasca bottle please, the Gators have lost again”).
Those jolly Brits contend this new potent brew is capable of battling several addiction problems, including alcoholism. DMT is far more effective in controlling drinking among severe alcoholics compared to other hallucinogens like LSD and “magic mushrooms.” Long-term Ayahuasca use has not been found to impact on cognitive ability, produce addiction or worsen mental problems. According to the study, some psychoactive effects can be felt from consuming the Ayahuasca vine alone. The hallucinogen DMT component is digested in the stomach and remains inactive without the inclusion of monoamine oxidase inhibitor, which brings out the hallucinogenic properties of the drug. So expect your friendly neighborhood Ayahuasaca users to be dropping by for a cup of MAOI every now and then. Keep a generous supply handy.
More trees for New Zealand. The rich get richer.
Plant A Tree. Or Maybe A Billion.
What the hell---in for a dime, in for a dollar. The always optimistic government of New Zealand has just unveiled an ambitious set of environmental policies destined to take an aggressive stand against future climate change. The country’s next premier, 37-year-old Jacinda Arden, signed a coalition agreement earlier this year with the New Zealand First party which addresses several initiatives to be employed by the coming administration. On of them is to plant at least 100 million trees in the country every year of the Billion Tree Planting Program. As in: One. BILLION. Trees. Jacinda The Young says is plan is “absolutely achievable.”
It’s not as though New Zealand doesn’t have a bunch of trees already. Everywehere you look, trees. But not enough for Jacinda. And it’s not as though planters are sticking their thumbs in the ground and tossing in a couple of seeds. Nope, they’re putting in starter trees, 100 million of them. 8,333,000 a month. Almost 2,000,000 a week. Just under 274,000 a day. New Zealand currently gleans 85% of its electricity from renewable energy sources. The government expects to become 100% sustainably-powered by 2035 and reduce its greenhouse gas emissions to zero by 2050. Makes you realize what a real government can actually accomplish. Too bad some of us don’t have one. (Despite heavy logging in the U.S., many state and local governments emphasize tree-planting. There are actually more trees in the country now than there were in 1920. Shockingly Good News.)
Justice Is Served
When we were kids, nothing was more gratifying than the capture of ne’er-do-wells by the Lone Ranger, Sky King or Jack Armstrong, All-American Boy. If another kid stole your baseball glove, a beating was required. Sargeant Friday told us Crime Doesn’t Pay, and we believed him. We still do. Everybody delights when the miscreants finally get their upcomings. It’s the ultimate in Good News. And crime really didn’t pay for poor old Terrion Pouncy.
Pouncy’s plan seemed like a good idea at the time. Expecting little resistance, he marched into the Maxwell Street Express eatery in Chicago, whipped out his .38 caliber pistol and asked for the cash from two employees. He pressed his gun to the head of one of them.
The victim, who had been passing a bucket of grease over the counter, called for his co-worker to hand over the money in the register. As they passed the money and their wallets to Pouncy, however, the bucket tipped and the bills went flying. The robber stooped over, collected the cash and ran out. When he attempted to shift the .38 now in his waistband, alas, he inadvertently pulled the trigger, firing a bullet which struck him in the (ahem) penis. One of the restaurant employees then jumped him as he tried to run away, but Pouncy shook him off and staggered down the street. He finally made it to the steps of a nearby house before collapsing.
The police eventually arrived, picked up the pieces and hauled the miscreant off to the hoosegow, by way of a nearby hospital emergency room where doctors exclaimed, “Ach du lieber---Vot a weiner!” The cops charged Terrion with Grand Larceny, which left Pouncy practically apoplectic. “Grand? You call this grand?!? I call it downright tragic!” he protested in his quaint falsetto, almost in tears. But hey---one man’s life-altering tragedy is another man’s Good News.
When an attempted robbery at a Lowe’s Home Improvement store went awry, Milton J. Hodges fled across the street and jumped a fence to escape police. Unfortunately for him, it was the fence of the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort & Spa. Arriving cops had no trouble picking Milton out of the crowd.
Sean Harris was hungry, thirsty and in need of a cigarette, so it made perfectly good sense to him to stop in and rob a LaCrosse, Indiana gas station/convenience store. Unfortunately for Sean, he forgot to steal a little petrol while he was at it. Police founded him out of gas and stranded a few miles down the road. For crying out loud, Sean, didn’t your mother ever explain the basics of shopping? Step One: Always make a list.
There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
More Good News
1. U.S. carbon dioxide emissions have dropped to their lowest level since 1991.
2. Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates pledged $100 million to the fight against brain-wasting diseases, earmarking half of it for start-ups researching treatments for Alzheimer’s disease.
3. A small, simple, hand-held device called the sKan has won the International James Dyson Award for its ability to detect melanoma by creating a heat map of the skin’s varying temperatures to indicate where the culprit cells are.
4. Kenton Lee, working with barefoot children in Kenya, developed A Shoe That Grows, footwear capable of accomodating children’s fast-growing feet by expanding five sizes, allowing them to last as much as ten years.
5. Stacy Zoern, an intellectual property attorney in Austin, has designed and manufactured an electric car that provides easy access and drivability to wheelchair users. They never even get out of the chair.
6. International energy company E.ON and Denmark-based service provider CLEVER have combined to develop an '”electric highway” equipped with ultra-fast charging stations that will connect 7 European countries from Italy to Norway, aiming for as many as 10,000 points across the continent by 2020.
7. For the first time, scientists have tried editing a gene inside the human body in an attempt to permanently change a person’s DNA in order to cure a disease. The experiment was done this Monday in California on 44-year-old Brian Madeux, who recieved through an IV billions of copies of a corrective gene and a genetic tool to cut his DNA in a precise spot. Signs of success should appear within 30 days, certain results in three months. If successful, the procedure would be a breakthrough boost to the fledgling field of gene therapy.
8. Kim Jong-un, beloved leader of North Korea, has been offered a five-year contract by Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks of the National Basketball Association. The amount of the deal was unspecified. The round mound of few rebounds was reported headed for the Pyongyang airport with his Air Jordans wrapped around his neck. He smilingly acknowledged, “Dennis Rodman one heck of a good agent.”
“I’d like the altered cap, please.”
Remember The Alamo?
Well, we do. Bill and Siobhan are going to visit the feisty old mission this weekend if we can pry the girl loose from her Pathogenes booth at San Antonio’s AAEP Annual Convention & Trade Show. We’ll be looking for a coonskin cap in honor of Davey Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier, who sadly succumbed to Santa Ana’s wrath, along with the rest of his woebegone compadres. Bill hopes to somehow escape the excitement of the venue to scramble up to Austin on Sunday to see what’s left of his old haunts (not much, we reckon). Old pal Harry Edwards was supposed to be the tourguide but he came down with a bothersome case of vertigo-on-yaws and could be hospitalized as we speak, so our hero will have to go it alone. Harry’s dilemma is curious since he bathes daily in cannabis oil and receives weekly health tips from a 105-year-old lifestyle guru in Okinawa. Maybe it’s all that reactionary Republican dust in the foul Texas air.
That’s all, folks….
